Friday, December 11, 2015

The Era

I am most certainly at a weird age!! I think from 25-30 is generally a weird time frame, age wise, at least from what I have seen across the board.

Our high school friends who had babies are sending those little ones off to kindergarten/1st/2nd grade, high school & college sweethearts are married and have bought their first house, we mostly all have some sort of job or clearer career path, our identities are somewhat making shape, wedding invitations are growing drastically, not to mention hanging out now means a baby shower or bachelorette party. For the rest of us, we begin to fear crossing 30 with no husband, no children, no house, no job. It is almost as though this weight is peer pressure disguised as a cultural norm.

I have always had older friends, at least since high school. I am thankful to be the baby in my group of friends. I get a heads up for all these life changes at least a couple years in advance, however, that makes me the best and worst person to help them deal with the struggles of growing up. I am telling myself now, NO ONE WANTS TO TURN 30. It is the first age that you really do not want to turn, and from what I hear, it never really changes after that.

No one wants to turn 30 because they don't have a husband/wife, they don't have a kid, they haven't bought a house, they don't have the job they want, they don't have a puppy, they don't have a new car, etc. The problem is that no matter what you have, you'll always want something else or something more. How does that change from 29 to 30?

I cannot count on one hand how many of my friends have had the 30 year old life crisis. I am going to say every friend I have who has turned 30.

As a 25 year old, I would like to give my input, what you do with it is up to you, I suppose.

Over and over and over and over again, I remind myself that my mom was THIRTY-EIGHT (38) when she had me. As far as I know, I have no disabilities, after all, I am an engineer! Even when she had my brother, she was 34, and he turned out better than anyone I know. Okay, so maybe by 40 I will be worried about not having kids, but that is a distant thought right now. Besides, there is always adoption.

Okay, so let's talk about being married. Marriage is not on some check list to get done by 30. If anything, it is a life-goal. A couple of my other life goals include becoming a CEO and getting my pilots license, but I can tell you I have put a fraction of my time into those as compared to finding a husband. My point is, that you should not get married just to be married. It is about much more than that. Maybe you spent your 20's in the military or climbing Mount Everest or building your career that you missed the opportunity to be where your future partner was. Would you take that back? I wouldn't. God put you where he did, when he did for a reason. I am going to guess there are FAR more 80 year olds that have been UN-happily married than 80 years olds that are un-happily never married. Think about that.

Okay, the house thing. At my naive stage, I don't know enough about house buying nor do I have money saved for a down payment that buying a house isn't even on my radar yet and I'm fine with that. I am just not ready, so I guess I don't have that fear.......yet.

I guess you just need to be happy for what you have or at least don't make yourself sick if you don't have what you want. It is not completely in your hands.

Monday, December 7, 2015

A Gram of Beauty

"My personal theory is that a way to deflect a possible negative interaction is by starting a friendly interaction with the person."

This is a recent observation that my brother pointed out on his blog and it struck a familiar note.

To quickly recap his quote, he is a runner and was discussing how runners often say "Hi" or "Good morning" to each other almost in a way to establish a basic friendship of trust. I think this eludes to a recent situation in the town he lives where a woman was brutally murdered around the time he runs in the morning.

Within the past year, I met a woman, who for lack of better terms is what most would call "drop dead gorgeous". Everything from her composure to benevolence and ease of sparking conversation and drawing you in is 'on point'. Yes, it is intimidating to the average Joe, mostly because of her beauty and confidence, but she recently clued me in on a secret to her poise.

After months of growing our friendship, we were talking one night and I questioned how we even became friends. I mentioned something along the lines of my insecurities often coming off in an obtrusive manner and it's not like me to easily make friends with beautiful women*. In her nonchalant tone, she giggled and said; "Berea, #1 you know that you are one of those beautiful woman, right?! #2, I always have to introduce my right away to people who make me feel like that and make friends so that I don't feel intimidated by them." That, to me, was so powerful, like DUH! I guess it just clicked.

So when my brother made the comment I quoted above, it seemed very familiar to me. I'm not sure if it is just how we were raised and the same blood running through our veins or something that many people could learn from.

However you look at it, I can't help but revert to positivity. Enough said.


* For my friends reading this, please do not interpret that to mean you are not beautiful in every way, it was just as hard for me to make friends with you.

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Positivity

It is amazing how you can change or influence a situation by your tone or tweek in a few simple words. I've always claimed to be "realistic" in my pessimistic under-tone, but I've realized this year it is actually quite draining for myself and those around me. I think I've always migrated towards a negative tone in an effort to prepare myself and others for the worst case scenario so that I can be happily surprised with the much-less-depressing outcome. That, however, is a big flaw. I don't think it is good to be so negative most of the time, and I hadn't even realized I was doing it.

I can't think of a good example at the moment, but I noticed a big difference when my boyfriend started saying "POSITIVITY!" to anyone who had a negative connotation in a conversation. I realized I was doing it more often then not. Since then, I've noticed other people who do the same thing and it is quite depressing. I have kind of hopped the train by pointing out "I like the positivity" in conversations where it is warranted, in hopes of the other party thinking "you're right". I have noticed it sets a better tone and mood in general.

This "positivity" rant comes on behalf of my participation in the #30daysofthanks hashtag on Instagram. I don't usually participate in those kinds of events, but I made an exception throughout November to show my thanks. I set a reminder every day to post a picture with a few words why I was thankful for that item, which is kind of sad when you think about it (not being able to remember to give thanks). Some days I would be excited to put up my daily thanks and some days, my alarm would come and go without a minute to show my thanks. (I think that only happened twice & I started on Nov. 2nd.) It was very refreshing to take that timeout each day, pick something I was thankful for, and explain to my viewers why. Sometimes, I would interrupt whatever I was doing to take the time for my #30daysofthanks and it would put me in a completely different mindset when I was done. It was very hard to limit myself to 30 things. About half way through the month I had to sit down and write what my plan was for the rest of the month because I had some key things I didn't want to leave out. I do feel guilty now for everything I didn't get to, but understand, I only had 30 days.

Long story short, it's healthy to give thanks every day.

"Give thanks unto the Lord, for he is good, and his mercy endures forever." Psalm 136