Thursday, October 15, 2015

Maybe it's the weather...

Maybe it's the weather, the season, the people. Who knows.

We are in the weird part of the year between Summer and a slew of holidays. Everyone rushing to get some time off to enjoy some peace in between tourists and Winter weather, which means reconnecting with friends because Summer months have been packed with activities.

I finally started reading a book my mom gave me YEARS ago about insecurity, a topic I am no stranger to, and it has certainly put me in a certain mood facing some personal issues. I am caught between looking out for #1 while not hurting everyone in my path and how to change without changing. I guess I go through these "who am I phases" like a roller-coaster and over-analyze aspects I've never paid attention to to a fault. I know I'm being extremely indistinct right now, so my apologies if you aren't getting anything out of this other than my vaguely scattered mind. I guess my best attempt at being more clear is to say, I'm feeling guilty about not spending time with people in my life, past and present, that are important to me. Along those lines, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about the relationships I am keeping up with to get a better sense of self. Kind of like football players watching their past games to see what they can improve on and then trying to change some aspect of muscle memory.

In other news, something happened to my iphone that made it inoperable for about 36 hours, while I took it in to get fixed. Can you remember the last time you went nearly 2 days without a phone? I guess after a slight panic attack, I decided how pathetic it was the reliance I put in my phone, that I needed to get over it. Every time I thought about something I "needed" from my phone, I took a second to remind myself that I would be fine if I never had that thing again and use my resources to improvise. Ironically, the most crucial items I would have missed if I didn't get my phone back were the sentimental things like; pictures, voice recordings, etc. Now that I have my phone back, I'm a little disgusted every time I open it up and think about how it is one of those things that easily gets taken for granted.

I also got the days of the week confused last night and made an entire batch of homemade tomato soup in a crock pot for a grilled cheese pot luck we are having at work Friday. I didn't have room in the fridge, so it didn't get saved.....:-\ So frustrating.....I'm too young for this.

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