Monday, April 20, 2015

Endorphins

I've spent a lot of time over the past week reminiscing on my experiences in Italy and the impacts it had on me. In no sense do I want to detract from the actual heroes (runners) of the event, but for the small audience interested in my story, that's why I'm here.

I have said this multiple times to different people in the past week, but being amongst hundreds of runners, I felt fat and lazy at best. My only claim to a healthy lifestyle is participating in an annual sand volleyball league for a few months of the year which usually lends itself to more social drinking than fitness. I am enough health conscious to not be over-weight and I know that's saying more than many, but it's nothing to be proud of.

I struggle with 2 things. #1-I am a horribly competitive person and HATE losing. Okay, who doesn't but I think I am on the extreme end. I have gotten in a lot of fights with friends and family because I am a sore loser. Not only do I get unreasonably angry when I lose, but I then avoid situations where I could lose again, more often then not, making me a quitter. #2-I have always struggled with self-image issues and physical fitness certainly plays a role in that. I don't feel like going there today so that's all I will say about that.

One point of this post is to express the admiration I had for all the runners in Italy. Little did they think or care, but each one of them is so far beyond my limits as to be unbelievable. Do I think I will ever run a 24hr race, no, but it was motivation that I can and should run.


So, I've started running again. The first run was hard. I was bad and slow. I was coughing for hours after. My legs didn't even hurt to give me feedback it was worth it. However, for the first time since high school cross country, I have the urge to keep going. Only because I've quit so many times. We will see how it plays out, but I know I'm better than that, I just have to prove it. I've set training goals, I've set a race goal, I'm tracking my runs (and physical feelings). I don't want to quit this time. 

Moral of the story; thank you runners. 

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