Friday, December 28, 2012

What Chapter is this?

I am not any more weak than any of you for expressing my FEELINGS. I don't claim to understand myself, nor my peers, or anyone else on this planet but I try pretty hard.

I'm stressed in the weirdest way I have ever been. I think I'm having reactions of post-school disorder (totally made up by me by the way). I have always ALWAYS ALWAYS thrived on relationships, connections, interactions, and FRIENDS. My social life is very important to me and I think the end of continual school has put a huge wrench in my relationships. I'm not seeing people my age every day.

I get very high anxiety when I'm alone. Therefore I mostly cope by sleeping. My productivity outside of work has tanked.

My social life mostly involved going out and spending money. Well, now that I have a professional career I have a different schedule than many of my friends still in school and my friends with jobs like me are equally as busy and matching schedules is harder than pulling teeth. Going out during the week would be pretty stupid seeing as I get up before 6am every day. So what am I supposed to do after work? Cook dinner, watch TV, blog? I spend 9 hours a day on a computer, so when I get home I really don't want to keep looking at one.

I wish I had a hobby that I was already invested in. Painting is a hobby but getting everything ready to paint for MAYBE an hour seems like such a waste. I need to get healthy and work out but once again I can make every excuse in the book for that not to work. Starting new things is hard and I'm afraid the longer I wait, the harder it will be. We shall see.

Pray I get out of this funk soon!


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