Monday, November 5, 2012

In the Moment

I am tired of figuring out who I am. I'm defined for being undefined. I can't tell you I'm a certain way when I most often fall in the middle. I started thinking about this because of my impatience. I seem to always have a countdown until the next big event in my life to motivate me. Does that mean I wouldn't be happy if I had nothing to look forward to? Does that mean I just get done with my daily activities to pass time? What happens when I'm not counting down to the next major event? If I knew myself so well, all my actions would be predictable and quite frankly, that would be boring.

I was startled awake this morning at 4:30 am by the most horrendous beeping, buzzing, screaming alarm ever. The fire alarm. I was confused, I thought I was dreaming. My roommate and I looked like zombies frantically roaming the house in chaos. You have a choice to make; hope it's a false alarm and wait it out, or evacuate. My instinct was to evacuate. I've heard one to many people say "it would never happen to me". I pulled my cat out from under my bed, shoved her in her kennel, and screamed at my roommate to leave with me. Clearly all these actions were over-dramatic in hindsight. I also grabbed my coat and purse. Looking back, I had all that I needed. After getting laughed at by my fellow neighbors for bringing my cat, sitting 1 step above sleeping, and about 20 minutes, we were given the okay to return to our apartments. The next 30 minutes of sleep I got before my real alarm waking me was not the last half hour of rest I wanted before starting my Monday. Needless to say our apartment was swamped with police when leaving for work.

November 5th marks the one year anniversary of my grandmothers death. A full year of holidays without her. It has certainly been weird at times. She was the closest person I have ever lost, I'm terrified of when it hits closer. I bought flowers tonight in hopes of making it to her grave, but when the sun set at 5 and the idea of sitting through rush hour set in, my heated blanket sounded better than wandering through a dark, cold, and wet graveyard. I'll make it out before the end of the week, it's the least I can do.

One week, four days until I walk the stage in celebration of my undergrad degree. It's such a big milestone, I can't wait for it to be official!

Tomorrow marks election day. November 6th, 2012. All I have to say is that at the end of the day we are "one nation under God".

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