Thursday, May 31, 2012

No Title

I wish I had more answers.

I hate not being able to answer questions. I hate feeling awkward in a conversation I don't know much about. Thankfully, my smartphone has dramatically helped improve my up-to-date knowledge. I rely on the thing for just about everything. However, I think the most valuable information is the stuff that isn't as simple to find as a google search. That's why I'm over my head in debt from a private school hopefully teaching me more than anything you could find on the internet.

There's not a single day that I go to work and don't think to myself "I love my job". Other people I work with don't like it as much and try to find ways out, but I'm happy. I love responsibility, familiarity, and continuous improvement. I love being able to accomplish so much in 8 simple hours. I'm learning so much, it feels great. This could be a blog post in itself..I'll stop so that you don't vomit over my joy.

Back to the whole knowledge/information topic. I like sharing knowledge I have. But if you think for a second I'm going to post it all over the internet, well probably not. It would just become another searched topic with no credibility. So ask me sometime why batching is better than single piece flow, or how to set up your office so you can say you're as "ergonomically friendly" as possible, or how to calculate the material amounts for a kanban system. Guaranteed I could give you better answers than the internet.

I had my best semester (grade wise) ever at MSOE this past term. It's crazy. It took me 4 years to figure college out. Better late than never. I didn't have an easy semester. I had tough classes. So what does it boil down to? The most significant change this semester was going back to my internship. Working part-time in the mornings must have really had something to do with it. Whatever the case, I like the trend. I'm graduating in 169 days. Yes, I'm counting every day. I can't believe how far I've made it. My college graduation will be the biggest accomplishment of my life. It's been hard. It's been SO hard. I've really been able to prove determination to myself. You should look forward to reading my graduation post. I think it'll be a good one.

So, I encourage you to share knowledge with me. I love learning. (Crazy huh?)

xoxo

Stay posted




Monday, May 21, 2012

Crazy

As I grow up, things seem to get more complicated. I've known this for years, but who wants to acknowledge this fact?

My emotions are through the roof. I have tons of emotions all of which I show in various ways. Something I've also known for years. I can be a drama queen and exploit those emotions. I've been trying to figure out for a while if having so many emotions is a good thing. My parents tell me yes, some friends tell me no. I think it's both. I'm proud I have/show emotions. That's great! Not everyone posses this talent. Problem is, my emotions often get the best of me. My calmness can turn into raging emotions within seconds I swear. It makes me question if this means I'm bipolar. I don't think so, because my feelings don't seem to be that rapid or diverse in the short term. So then what? What are these ticks that set me off and prevent me from keeping a level head?

So we know I have lots of emotions. Where does this concept get me? It's a big step being able to admit and get to this point, but there's so much further to go. I need to understand control. Controlling the anger, sadness, and anxiety. I must sound like I have so many problems to you at this point. (Stick with me, I'm writing to help myself with the hopes you may learn something too.)

I haven't been able to get something out of my head recently. I hope you don't think I'm crazy for telling the world this, but it was recently suggested that I might have ADHD. I can't stop thinking about what this means. I'm scared to find out if I really do or if I even should, but it makes a lot of sense. The problem with knowing is then dealing with it, and every doctor today would just prescribe meds which I struggle with accepting that solution as right or wrong.
It would explain my struggles in school. My brain is different than most peoples which seems to agree with attention deficit hyperactive disorder. It would explain why the normal way of teaching doesn't work for me. It would explain why my attention span has been like 10 minutes for my whole life. I focus on things I set my mind to, but you know how draining that would be if I made myself focus on EVERYTHING? Apparently harder for me than most people. This would explain my emotional outbursts.Why when I let my guard down, I let emotions fly.

Okay, I'm still at square one. Congrats, I potentially have a problem. Now what? I want to change these problems. Obviously drugs are a fix. But there are so many complications of drugs. How long would I be on them? Would I get addicted? Would it affect my long term health? Do I really need a drug to change me? I want an intangible answer. I want to work on it mentally. I'm a strong enough person, I believe I could do it. I just don't know how. Professional help suggests the obvious answer=medication. I want psychological help. If the answer was easy, I'm sure this would have been taken care of years ago. Thankfully I'm almost done with school. I just wonder if it's something I'll grow out of. Hmmmm

"Turn your burdens over to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will never let the righteous person stumble" Psalm 55:22

Monday, May 7, 2012

$$$

Keep your life free from the love of money and be content with what you have for God said "Never will I leave you, Never will I forsake you."             Hebrews 13:5

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Pursuit of Happiness

One of three famous rights in the Declaration of Independence, a good song by Kid Cudi, a great movie done by Will Smith, a phrase I can't stop thinking about.

Happiness comes from within. YOU need to learn what your happiness's are and GO WITH THEM. My goal is happiness. I like having an intangible life goal, there's always room for improvement yet it's possible to find what makes you happy on a daily basis.

Life isn't peaches and cream but I fully believe it is what you make of it. You can sit at work and say you're bored and unhappy or be at out and about and tell your friends you want to leave because someone is there that you had a feud with 5 years ago. OR, you can embrace the situations and make yourself happy.


Everyone needs a happy place. Whether that is an actual location or a state of mind. A happy place escapes the dreadful reality of chaos. If only for a second it gives you peace and comfort. I have a few happy places. I'll never forget the feeling of being atop a mountain in the Rockies. I've had this experience a few times. It's literally the happiest in a single location I've ever been. Seeing God's beauty. Being so far away from materialistic society. The scenery is unimaginable unless you've been there. The mountains rolling as far as your eye can see. The hard work to get to that spot. It's truly amazing and makes me soooo happy. 
Another happy place includes good music with a strong beat and meaningful lyrics. Listening to good music distances you from the noise of life. It puts a beat to your feelings. It's said in a way that you can't express. 
Happy places relax my anxiety, if only for a short time, it's still meaningful. 


So find your happy place, happy smell, happy thought, or whatever. The more you smile, the longer you'll live. 


My next challenge for you is to make someone else smile. It'll mean a lot. 


Ecclesiastes 3:12
I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live.


It's All in Your Head

I believe 110% that actions and feelings are all in your head. (At least for me) Famously, I'll ask, what does that mean? The second I tell myself something, my mind believes it and exploits that thought. If for a second I feel a stomach pain and tell myself I don't feel good, I make the decision to go with it or get over it. From that point, it's all in my head. I think that train of thought confuses me when I'm actually injured. I've broken numerous bones and had several injuries yet every time it comes down to differentiating actual pain from thoughts.
Am I confusing you yet?
What else is "all in my head"? I often assume things that people think about me. Hence my self consciousness. If I see someone look at my forehead I start thinking they noticed my large forehead.
My insecurities are my biggest flaw. I wish I could not care what people think for a second. It's all in my head for making myself think I'm not pretty, skinny, smart enough for whoever I'm trying to impress. Usually just myself.
I wonder sometimes how my thoughts became me. Why do I think how do instead of how I want. Why am I the person I am and not always the person I want to be? Why do people say things they don't mean? Is there really truth to every lie?

I need to go to church more. Then I'd find answers.