Monday, October 10, 2011

Bullied Berea: Part 2

I didn't end the last post very well. I've had several people ask me how I got through that part of my life or what would have helped. I want to say that my childhood made me who I am today, the good and the bad. It made me self conscious because I always felt like I was being judged, and I still do to this day. It made me stronger and more able to get through road blocks in my life. It helped me see into the future rather than dwell on the current hard time and know that I would get through. I am still learning that you SHOULD be nice to everyone, but NOT everyone will be a good friend.

I think the biggest disappointment of being bullied as a kid was the lack of responsibility from teachers. When I would tell a teacher what was going on they gave me the impression to "toughen up". Or they would ignore me for "tattling". Most of the bullying went on at recess and I feel like recess was a break for teachers to sit there and relax and not pay attention to what was going on. I can't believe the teachers were completely ignorant as to seeing me being bullied. As an adult I can see in a group of kids who's the leader and who is picked on. The least the teachers could have talked to the parents at parent teacher conferences about their kid showing bully like qualities. Granted some parents wouldn't care.
I think talking about it might have been therapeutic. I mean talking to someone outside of my family. That I could have seen it wasn't my fault or give me confidence.
I guess my biggest piece of mind would have come from the bullies feeling how I felt or getting in trouble.

So how did I get through it, you ask? My family, in one sense. Every time I had thoughts of hurting myself or others, I thought how disappoint my parents would be and how much they'd truly miss me. My brother was always perfect at everything in my eyes, and I didn't want to look bad compared to him.
My faith also helped me. As a kid it was hard realizing why I was going to Sunday School every Sunday, but I thank my parents for that. It's my dads career to know about the bible and God, so I came to understand religion very well. God was more or less an imaginary friend, in different respects. I don't know how many times I heard the words "God loves you". As a bullied kid, it was nice to hear anyone LOVED me, whether I would have admitted it back then or not. Love is a powerful word.
Deep down I knew I was better than those people that hurt me. I always thought; what comes around goes around. Some day I'd have a chance to prove myself.
Of course, I had different friends along the way that shared the same feelings as myself, or helped me get through, but not all the time.

So I hope this answers questions. :)

Hebrews 13:5- "Never will I leave you nor forsake you"

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