Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Californication

I cried tonight.
It's been about 40 degrees here all day. No sun. So depressing coming home from 70 degree weather.
I love sun. I love the beach. I love mountains. I love cities.
I've tried so hard for so long to be content where I am. I think I've done a really good job. I like Milwaukee. It's really fun in the summer. I have a few awesome close friends. But this weather depresses me to no end. The clouds and snow have nothing good to offer me. The lack of Vitamin D in everyone around here is not healthy.
Being back makes me so sad. California seemed so happy. In some secret way I was hoping that after visiting, I wouldn't like it as much as I had hoped I would, but I was pretty far from wrong. Walking outside here is just so sad. Honestly. That's why I cried.
I don't want to hear your sympathy. I don't want you to feel bad for me or tell you how much you don't like it here either. I don't want to offend you for not liking it here as much as you, I'm glad you can be happy in this state. Not every place is for everyone. I tried so long for this to be my place, but my vacation just proved me wrong.

Why do I cry so much?....I'm not scared to cry. And I think it's very healing. Not everything makes me cry and I'm not a cry baby, but it's just another emotion I express.

Enough complaining. My life could be way worse.

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