Monday, April 4, 2011

Detox

Cleansing the body of toxins.

I hate when people make me feel guilty. Or dwell on my flaws. Or throw my flaws out of proportion. I will be the first to admit I'm not perfect. Let me tell you, I feel guilty enough about all my actions. Hence my huge inability to be a good lier. I can't lie. You can see it on my face and I get super guilty about it anyways! Whatever, I just am self-conscious, as I've discussed before, and I always think things are my fault without telling me.

My friends feel more distant now than ever before. I've grown so far apart from my roommates. And I feel like its completely my fault for not being the perfect friend. I feel like I shouldn't have to impress my true friends and should be loved for who I am. In saying this, it kills me when people don't accept me for who I am, again it makes me feel like I'm not good enough or I'm a horrible person.

If it's not one thing, it's another. School is going good, so naturally, my personal life sucks.
Freaking out about summer. Job, school, money, house. It's stressful.
I always try to ignore stress and think it will go away with time. On the other hand I deal with it and address it, so idk what's going on.
Part of me wants to run away. Move. Forget it all. But I'm terrified of leaving everything I've worked to build up at such a vulnerable time in my life. I just want someone there when I need it. But not just anyone, cause I have a lot of friends, but only a few close ones.

Is it okay to exclude people from your life that are toxins? Cause I've always felt like it's not. I try to give everyone a chance, hear people out. It doesn't always work that way, but it's how I'd like to think.

Sorry another rough day at my apartment. My life's never boring. ha.

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