Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Tell me baby, what's your story? Where you come from and where you wanna go this time?

Title comes from "Tell Me Baby" -Red Hot Chili Peppers

I had to write another blog post relatively soon, because I found myself opening my browser to bereaj.blogspot.com numerous times since my last post. Reading it over and over seeing if I had expressed what I had wanted to. If I had said everything the right way or if I'd said too much or not enough. Anyways...

I have a coworker that I love talking to...I talked to her yesterday about some things and it's really nice to have a mature adult give advice, wisdom, etc, besides my parents. And she knows enough about me to be able to relate well. Anyways, I kind of told her how stressed I am this semester along with some other details and she told me I should write it down. Of course I have this blog, which is meant to express feelings and emotions but she said it's not the same. On here I sensor myself, believe it or not, and if I really want to let out my feelings without talking to someone, write them down then throw it away. It sounded like a good idea and let me tell you, it was empowering. After 2 sentences, the paper was already getting ruined from my tears. After finishing I couldn't believe some of the things I had wrote down and all I wanted to do was rip it up and throw it away, which I did. If I hadn't, I can guarantee I would be going back to that paper, analyzing everything I was thinking, questioning myself, crying more, etc.

So if this doesn't make me sound like a total basket case, I don't know what would. I'm really not a depressed person, most of the time. I think I just have a better understanding of my emotions than most people, and I'm not really afraid to tell you how I feel, not in a bad way, of course.
As with all people, I would never want to admit I have a problem, whether I do or not. "Problems" are self definable. Every person perceives problems in a different way, and there's always someone with bigger issues than yourself.

So my blog, my journal, my friends, paper that gets thrown out, my family, all help me let my emotions out in different ways.

Let's hear about happy Berea shall we? Well, tanning makes me happy. When I get cancer it might not, but at the present it does. So, Why? Maybe the vitamin D? Maybe because it makes me tan and people notice? Maybe the 15 minutes a day I'm laying in a locked room by myself gives me time to think and relax while doing something I enjoy. It keeps me warm when it's -10 degrees out. Okay next thing..
Sleeping makes me happy. Crawling into my bed with my heated blanket on curling up, hugging my body pillow is quite possibly one of my favorite times of the day. Relaxing for the few minutes before I fall asleep. It's nice.
This is sad, but shopping makes me happy. Not necessarily spending money, but it could be as simple as saving money or finding a deal. I don't shop that much as of recently because Christmas took care of that and being in college doesn't really allow for the time or money for this "habit". I do believe in retail therapy though.
Being around my friends makes me happy. I don't know the exact reason, but it's empowering. I guess having other people to reminisce with. Not necessarily dwelling in the past, but talking about events that make you laugh.
Speaking of; I loooove laughing/smiling. Making someone else smile or laugh is the best way to cheer yourself up. I had a friend tell me once that he knew when I was the most sad, because I would make him laugh more, I said yeah it's my way of cheering myself up.

Alright so; I need another job. I'm thinking a weekend job, one night a week. I have some ideas, but I'm running out of money :-\
EE201 is kicking my butt right now. I have no desire to ever be an electrical engineer which is why I have no motivation or focus for this class. Help please??
Week 7 at MSOE sucks. period.
I have an epistemology exam tomorrow. Some studying tonight and I'll be good.

<3 xoxo

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