Thursday, October 28, 2010

60 miles per hour.

What do you think of when you hear 60 mph? Driving down a country road with a speed limit of 55, but going 5 over? The slow people on the high way? 26.8224 meters per second?
Well, most of Wisconsin is thinking that 60 mph describes the wind we've been having. Temperatures plummeted and winds rose early this week. Yet, leaf blowers were still out doing there job (or lack there of) helping the wind blow the leaves around even more, real efficient guys. Garbage was sent flying around Milwaukee. Construction signs now litter the roads from being blown over. Power was cut in parts of Milwaukee. We seem to get a lot of extreme weather here, yet every time we do, everyone and thing is far from prepared. They are still fixing the sink hole that occurred in July. Mold contractors are booked because of water damaged that happened with the same storm. Milwaukee is a mess because of the wind. People around campus are still wearing shorts and T-shirts although temperatures are below 30. Yet, in summer, we all complain how hot it is and how Wisconsin doesn't adjust to the heat. Okay, I'm done. That's my daily weather rant and disappointment in preparation.
I had an accounting test that didn't go well this morning. Great start to my day and weekend :(
Got some inches chopped off my hair today. Feels like a ton to me, but no one's even noticed. Thanks friends?
On to another important topic. Me, emotion filled Berea Janzen. I have a friend who deals with anger issues, I'm not sure what kind. Depression/ Bipolar....I'm not sure. But deffinately something. I've tried for so long to not let it affect me, but lately it has REALLY been bothering me. Everyone that knows me well could probably agree I don't hide my emotions. Why should I? Okay, but I'm usually a very happy, motivated person. On occasion, things make me angry, upset, sad, whatever, but I don't hold on to those feelings because it doesn't make me a happy person. Okay, so this friend has really been bringing me down. I understand she might not be able to control her feelings (I mean, I don't understand why, but I understand she can't) but there's no need for me to get dragged down with her. I HATE my friends being sad or angry just as much as I hate being sad and angry. So I'm usually good at listening and trying to work through their emotions. But this specific person won't talk to me or open up or tell me anything, which Berea Janzen does not understand. I'm your friend, TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON. If you can't talk to me, how am I a friend? I realize I am more open about my emotions and feelings than most people and I don't expect you to be like that, but just tell me what's bothering you. I really don't know what to do about it anymore. She has said that it's nothing that I've done wrong to make her in those moods, but that's how she makes me feel. What if she IS mad at me but isn't telling me, I have no idea. It hurts me to see her like this and hurts me even more that I am being brought down to that level because of how cranky I've been lately. I don't know what to say to her because I feel like everything I say makes it worse. I've never been in this situation.
Life and especially high school/college is too short to be angry about people and things. Negative things don't belong in my life. I need to have the time of my life so I can grow up. I am a happy person.
Breathe.
Thanks for listening to me. This blog therapy really helps me vent. I don't always need to have someone tell me advice because the best advice is finding out on my own. Live and learn my dad always says. So that's what I shall do.

Proverbs 17:22 - "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Fresh to Death

Number one: I had an awesome night with my roomie last night, Alyssa Hintzen. :) Thanks lyss.
We went to Bar Louie and Casablanca to hang out. Very fun.

Next: I read some of my journal last night. So I've had this journal that I've written in since I was 6 years old. SIX. I could barely write at 6. I definitely could not spell correctly or make grammatically correct sentences. But that's the awesomeness of it. At 6 years old, you have a minimal filter of what you say. You say what you feel and mean. I would write about the most exciting things to me. Which were SO simple. Besides the fact that I've lived in 7 different cities/towns since I was born, so my journal follows my experiences through each of the different locations. Not to mention the places I've gone on vacation to and experienced that I also wrote about. It is so nice to be able to look back and remember things that I would have forgotten about but no, I have them written down. I read the very first few pages of my journal, which was quite an experience. At points, I had no idea what I was trying to say or what some words were. It is so unedited and raw. I wrote about certain people that made me extremely mad, I wrote about my family problems, about friends and teachers that made my childhood horrible, but it's awesome that I wrote about it to remember how my life was at certain points.
I really want to write a book of my journal sometime, but I don't know how to do it. Nobody's read my journal before so I don't know how to expose it. I don't want to include anything that would personally hurt anyone, but I do, because it was my journal and part of my life. But what's the point of writing a book, if I continue to record my memories and experiences? My life certainly isn't over :) I might be writing in my journal on my death bed. It gives me an escape to think about things. Just like blogging. Except the whole world can read my thoughts--creepy.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Twenty. Years. Old.

It's happening all around me. My friends breaking up, hooking up, dating, "talking", seeing each other, etc.
High school is "easy" when it comes to relationships. You know the people from your own school maybe a few others from local schools. The extent of the drama is if your significant other is talking to another person or hanging out with the opposite sex, but nothing like college relationships. In college, you meet a ton of new people, some people start cheating on each other, everyone is changing and growing up, people get drunk/ do drugs and make relationship threatening decisions, and the list goes on. Okay so putting this is perspective, what does this all mean for me or how do I relate?
Well, I've been through my share of relationships, college and high school, I've witnessed mannnny of my friends go through many relationship situations, serious and not so serious.
I went through a major break up about 6-7 months ago when my boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up. I am still currently single, which is a whole nother story. I've been there for my friends and they've been there for me, but things get so much more confusing and complicated at this point of our lives. Couples in different schools, different programs, their backgrounds are a mystery because you did not grow up with many of the people you meet. You don't spend 35 hours a week at the same school in the same classes with your "partner". You don't meet at your lockers in between classes, and much of your time is spent doing what you need to to to get through college. People get apartments and start living together, which complicates things even more. Love can make you do crazy and stupid things, it's love...
I had a friend recently move into our apartment this past week because she was living with her boyfriend and they broke up. I'm her friend, so I'm going to do what I can to be there for her and help her however she needs. 3 of us currently lived here, but extended an invite for her to live in our small extra 4th room. Right now, that's all she needs. She is helping with rent, so we all had no problem with her moving in. She graduates in December, so she thinks that's how long she'll need to stay with us. Anyways, I would want my friend to help me like that, so of course I would do the same.

As for me, life's confusing. I've had a crazy past week. My life always seems to be interesting, I secretly like it that way I think. I was told by a guy this week that I'm kind of known around campus as "hard to get" and don't fall for guys. I don't try to, it's just how I am, and I don't think that's bad. My personality makes it hard for me to be blunt and turn guys down, maybe that's why I have a lot of guy friends, because that's all I'm looking for but I don't give the wrong impression that I'm interested, if I'm not. But anyways, hearing that from a guy is kind of awkward. I don't want to know what guys think of me, in that sense. I don't need to be stuck up about it or think that every guy wants me or something. That's not me.
Anyways, it's been hard for me because I like the comfort of being taken care of and cared about and feeling special by a special person but I'm not going to jump into or force something that doesn't need to happen right now. I am proud of myself for not having a "rebound" guy or falling easy for someone that isn't right. I like to have fun and see what's out there. I'm just trying to settle down, learn about myself, and focus on my future career before I make any rash decisions. Is it hard? EVERY day, but it's good for me and at least I can say I don't regret taking time for myself. Why put something in your life that doesn't make you happy? Happiness is so important to me.

Okay so I am going home for a day this weekend. And is it wrong that I am more than super excited to see my cat? I miss her. She doesn't change. She doesn't tell me about her problems..:) It seems when I'm home, it's never long enough but I always want to come back to Milwaukee. That's good right? I like being both places.

Alright, I have my Ergonomics lab to go to. I shall talk to you later.

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Rest in Peace

Death--

My first experience with death was when my cat, whiskers died when I was 6 years old. Losing a pet in the first place is detrimental, and then to only be 6 years old, when the only people you are close to is your family and pets. I could tell you everything that happened. I woke up for school and my parents told me that my cat had died. She had been squished under the garage door and froze to death over night. Think about taking that in as a 6 year old who had never experienced death before. (I loved that cat.) I remember my brother and I burying her in our backyard in Buffalo, Oklahoma. We used a small piece of wood to mark her grave. My brother wrote R.I.P. on the wood and I remember asking what that meant. That was my first exposure ever to that acronym. He says it meant "rest in peace". I remember thinking he just made it up.
My first funeral was somewhere around 6 years of age. We were living in Buffalo, Oklahoma and as you know, my dad being a pastor, does funerals and weddings and confirmations and baptisms. So I was really little and someone died that my mom knew, so her and I went to the funeral, but sat up in the balcony because she didn't know the person that well. I remember seeing the casket and everyone crying and wearing black. It was a lot to take in as a young kid. I went to the cemetery and watched the burial etc.
Then growing up in Sabetha, Kansas I had my first experience losing a friend. I believe I was 14. A girl from my grade died. When there was only 70 people in my class, you knew everyone. Although I wasn't close with her, some of my friends were.
That is about the extent of my death experiences. I've never had a family member die or a very close friend. But the reason I bring death up is because this past week, 5 kids about my age have passed away. 2 from my high school. One from Sheboygan and 2 of my friends from MSOE have lost friends. 5 people (KIDS) in one week that I have known about. That seems like a lot. Anyways, it's an eye opening experience. It puts everything in perspective. Like I said to my mom; part of growing up is being young and reckless, but at what point to you go beyond that and danger your life? Doing stupid things in your car, doing drugs, alcohol....it's so dangerous and sad that teenagers aren't educated enough about these things. As my mom told me; "That's why it is best to live under the law. Obedience gives freedom. Hard to accept when you're a teen or young adult." And it's so true. It might be hard, I know first hand being a young adult. I've done stupid things, but there comes a point when you can look back and say, was that really smart? Nooo.
Okay enough ranting.
My condolences go out to all the family and friends dealing with losses of loved ones. It's okay to cry and talk about your feelings. And know that God will always listen.

Jesus replied, "You do not realize what I am doing now, but later you will understand."
-John 13:7

Thursday, October 7, 2010

69 degrees with a chance of Latte

How did I go from using my space heater on monday to using AC in my car by Thursday? Please do explain this weather to me! Boots on monday, dress on Thursday. At least I get to wear a variety of outfits from my wardrobe within a weeks time I suppose.
SPIDERS:
I don't quite know why, but in the past few months I have become increasingly hatred about spiders. Our apartment seems to have A LOT of them...or used to until I unleashed a can of RAID throughout my house. But I seem to notice them everywhere. Even when I walk through school or buildings, I look for cobbwebs, unconciously, but I notice them everywhere. I even have one somewhere about my car who creates a new web on my mirror every night. You'd think if their web kept getting destroyed every day, they would relocate. And for the record, I already killed one on my car, but there keeps being a web. I hate driving knowing there is a spider somewhere VERY near me. OKAY, so why my obsession with spiders? Why do I hate them so much? Why am I so scared of them? They're just like any other bug. I want to get over my fear, but at the same time, I don't want to be okay with them.
Another radom thought; whenever I am driving around downtown Milwaukee I always wonder if there is some tall building that has a public lookout of the city. I need to research that after I'm done blogging.
Next: I need to get back in the gym, sooner than later. I can't believe week 5 is already almost over.
Isaiahs coming to visit tomorrow :)
OOoooh: ESPRESSO----so my dad gave me his espresso machine, which I love! I bought vanilla syrup and tried it out this morning. =AMAZING. I made an awesome vanilla latte. I'm sooo excited to be able to make my own now and save money from going to Starbucks, and I actually make them good! :)

Monday, October 4, 2010

Happy Berea

Time: End of day 1 of week 5. Emotion: Happy. Location: Freezing apartment. Thoughts: Satisfied, perplexed, motivated, yet cold.
Elaboration:
It's October 4th, 45 degrees out. I talk about weather a lot because it effects my mood quite a bit. Although, it's a cold fall night, my feelings aren't representative...
I hung out with my roommates for a good chunk of time tonight. We had a "breakthrough", I'd say. I'm not going to talk much about it because they aren't my feelings to tell, but it relieves some tension in the house. I like talking. I like telling my feelings and trying to come closer to understanding others feelings. It makes me happy, call me crazy.
I got some homework done ahead of time, and it feels awesome to be in the 5th week of classes and not behind in any of my classes or feeling the need to be stressed and stay up all night to finish homework, but actually ahead a bit.
Although my night went from roommate night to roommates and their boyfriends plus Berea night. It bothers me being the only single one in the house, but I need to come to peace with it. I need to be comfortable with myself. I am ever so slightly getting closer to this point and good for me. It's only taken me about 6 months and I need not rush it.
I spent the past hour or so working on my resume. It depresses me. I feel like there is so much to know about Berea that can't be written on a single sheet of paper. I'm a deeper person than my work experience, qualifications, and education can show in print. But companies don't have time to get to know the whole Berea, understandable. Employers shop for the best employee. I think we can agree that when you go shopping, you're probably looking for something different than what the other thousand people in the mall are shopping for. So how do I "sell" myself as the best product everyone is shopping for? I think if we knew the answer to this, getting a job would be EASY. So anyways, editing my resume can get to be depressing, I want the perfect resume, who doesn't? Career fair Friday, I'm nervous. All of MSOE fighting for jobs/internships, relatively speaking. Awesome.
Easy day tomorrow. Project management and accounting and two hours of work. And some more Berea time...
By the way, I think elephants live above me. Nocturnal elephants. That romp around their house late at night and wee hours of the morning. Go to bed elephants...
Can't wait for a nice cup of coffee in the morning, a relaxing day, and to learn some new stuff....
Good night Bereas blog readers.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Summer, Autumn, Fall?

Boy has it been a while since I've talked to the world....Last time we talked, I believe it was somewhere near 85 degrees out and 85% humidity...haha. Now, my thermometer reads a solid 50 degrees. Goodbye flip flops and tank tops, hello boots. The weather isn't the only thing changing this time of the year.
I began school 4 weeks ago to be exact....Yes, I was very sad to leave summer, but secretly, a part of me was ready to move on. Tomorrow begins our 5th week of classes marking the half way point. Crazy to think we are already that far! I am in 5 classes right now; Deterministic Modeling and Optimization (IE381), Project Management (IE340), Accounting (MS354), Ergonomics (IE3620), and professional guidance (OR402). I am actually enjoying my semester thus far as the majority of my classes are IE classes. Call me a little geeky but it excites me to learn things that I may be doing the rest of my life, or at least help me in my future career. It is MSOE though, and stress is always a huge factor, at least I am somewhat accustom to it this year.
I still have all my jobs from this summer relatively speaking. I work at the bookstore a solid 10 hours a week. It deffinately drains me sometimes and gets overwhelming with school, but nothing I can't handle and my bosses are very understanding of education over work. I'm still working at the bar on the weekends here and there. It's nice having another source of money and a little get away from school. I am on a break from AE, but still employed. Three jobs would interefere with school I think...
Speaking of the cold weather, my dad just gave me his espresso machine for my apartment, and tonight was the first time I tried it out. Believe it or not, it worked great, and I had some deliciouos coffee to enjoy after. I made the espresso and steamed the milk, which I hear isn't too easy. Better than wasting 4-5 bucks for someone to make coffee for me.
To be a little more up to date, I was able to enjoy a relaxing weekend the past few days. I didn't work at the bar this weekend which was good in the sense I could relax. Had some nice Berea time on Friday, at home, by myself, no interuptions, etc. Saturday, pretty much same thing. Saw a few friends, relaxed. Today not much different. Although 3 days of "Berea time" is enough, I'm getting bored and lonely. Supposibly in a half hour I'll be meeting with my roommates for a group project....
I have yet to began a regular work out routine so I'm still not feeling in good physical shape. BLAH.
Well its about 8 so I need to go get stuff ready for meeting with my group.
Talk to you later