Tuesday, December 21, 2010

INFECTION

=gross

I just got over a viral infection. I'll skip the dirty deets, but I was on hydrocodone for a handful of days because I could barely eat anything. I was taking some other meds too, but as with most virus' you kind of have to let them run their course. I missed quite a few classes which I am very angry about. But now I am on break and recuperating and feeling 100x better already.

Christmas is 3 days away=weird.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

t-minus 17 days to Christmas

1) School
Second week of second semester. Classes enrolled in: Linnear Networks of Steady State Electrical Engineering, Epistemology, Production Planning and Inventory Control, Stochastic Processes, Junior Design Project, and Engineering Economy. Mouth full huh? Well, it's an interesting semester and after my 7th day of classes, I've already taken in a ton of information. I already have 2 quizes this Friday. Then next week of classes and winter/christmas break.

2) Snow
It snowed for the first time this winter on Friday night I believe. I was up at the time of the morning it started, which was gorgeous. It was exciting after it got really cold to have some snow. It makes the cold a little less worse. It's very icy right now though and my car is caked in salt. I did some Christmas decorating this week, including hanging lights on our balcony, our "fake" fire place, lights in our living room, and stockings on the fireplace. Along with listening to Christmas music this week. I might bake something to get more into the Christmas spirit. It is easy to not prepare for Christmas being at college because you focus so much on school that you don't hear the music or watch Christmas movies, etc.

3) Friends
Post 4:00 I never see my roommates. One word: Boyfriends. All of them.
I literally can't step foot on campus without stopping to talk to someone. Bittersweet thing about going to a small school. I was at a "party" this past weekend with a "new"ish friend and within 30 minutes they said; "Berea, do you know everyone?" Well no, but if I don't, I want to meet them. :-p I find people so fascinating. Everyone has a different story, a different background, thinks differently, and I want to know about it. I want to hear new experiences/ different points of view. You can't change someone, you can impact them and get them to think differently.
My most recent friendship experience comes from meeting some people from Serbia. Not only have I begun learning Serbian, which is awesome, I've asked many questions about Serbian history. It is crazy to hear about kids my age having to flee their house/town because of war and growing up with bombs and gun shots...it gives a whole new perspective. And also makes me wonder about all the other countries that experience different things. Think about Africa.....just totally different that I could never understand. Hearing stories about these experiences is the closest I will come, and it fascinates me to learn.

4) Work
Economy=sucks. So frustrated...it's bad.
I learned something about me today that might help with my future jobs. A class I have with a certain professor, I have a hard time comprehending some of the topics because I tend to think outside the box. I think this is a great thing. Sometimes when we are learning about a specific topic, I think to myself that this couldn't be possible because of another factor. This sounds confusing; let me try to explain. Today; we were talking about probabilities. We started talking about the lottery system because it deals a lot with probability and chance of course. Apparently, some guy out east bought 90% of the numbers for a certain lottery. He won and made money off of the 10% he did not buy. This did not make sense to me because you have to take into account taxes. Winning the lottery for that much money, taxes are rediculous. Okay, so I brought this point up to the professor and he said "Berea, I've told you before, you have great potential to get your MBA." So I'm not exactly aiming for buisness, but it's good to be told that and could always be a possibility. That wasn't the first time I have brought up points like that in his class, it was just an example. Interesting though.

Okay it's late; Ja sam umorna. (look it up on google translate)
Laku noc!

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." -Hebrews 11:1

Friday, November 19, 2010

Fluffy.....

KITTY!
I'm home and I've been bonding with my cat :) <3 I love the fluffy thing...

Okay so I'm on break and I have a full week ahead! I'm going to Milwaukee tonight with my best friend to visit some people. Then I'm leaving for Kansas on Sunday because a family friend has terminal cancer. Tuesday is back to Milwaukee to work. Thursday=Thanksgiving. Friday I'll be with the extended family. Then I'll probably go back to Milwaukee for the weekend and ready to start school Monday. AAAAhhhhh.

I'm kind of sad I have my whole break planned. But I kind of like it.

My dad is making lunch today, kind of excited for a good home meal.
I want Christmas lights put up.
I want to book my trip to California soon.
I want to bring my cat back to Milwaukee with me...
Enough I wants...I'm going to go be useful...

Monday, November 15, 2010

11th week

AKA: MSOE doesn't have an 11th week....11th week is FINALS! Which I had one this morning that went....alright. I have another tomorrow at 2 that shouldn't be horrible, and a paper due by Wednesday.
All in all, this might be my easiest finals week yet. :-D weird to say being my first semester as a junior. But all the projects are completed, which is a HUGE relief.
So I've decided I want a change in pace of jobs....I told AE I would not be able to work on Thanksgiving or the day after and they said it probably wouldn't work to keep me on staff then. I agree. It wasn't the best job I've had and I really don't want to give them bad publicity, so that's all I will say. Working weekends at a bar is so physically draining. I had an easy semester, yet I have come to the point that sleeping such horrible hours and messing up my schedule is just not what I should be doing. I've taken a couple weekends off and we'll see how I am after break...
The bookstore is still going well. It has its ups and downs, but I really shouldn't complain, there is worse out there.
My stomach has hurt all weekend...Saturday I might have eaten something bad because it was kind of like a stomach ache. Today it is because of feminine issues. But needless to say, I feel a little below par physically. Besides I did a lot of dancing Saturday in 5inch stilettos so my legs are quite sore.
So I've been thinking about christmas and I know my relatives are going to start asking me for a list soon, and I've thought of 2 things I've been wanting for a while. A pair of UGG or Minnetonka mocassins and a DVD player.
Alright, time to go to work....

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Hamster

I'm eating a hamster right now. Hahah okay--So some of my friends know I love chicken cordon bleu's and one of them nicknamed it "hamster". You can use your imagination.

I am one test down today. Project management. Turned in my Accounting project. So I'm already less stressed than I was yesterday at this point. One test left to go, in 2 hours and I plan on craming a bit more for it.

But the reason I decided to post was because of an interesting topic my dad brought up. FACEBOOK.

SOOOO much goes into facebook, so many people rely on it as to be crazy. You can basically get to know a person within 5 minutes of looking at their facebook page. Their birthday, where they go to school, what city they live in, how many friends they have, what their interest are (music, books, extracurricular, movies, etc.) What they do based on their pictures.
We all say you aren't friends with someone until it's "facebook official". Or two people aren't dating until it's "facebook official". You can learn a persons mood by their status. No more e-mail because you can now send messages to people on facebook which they'll probably read sooner and you don't have to write down everyones e-mail addresses. You can chat with whoevers online at the same time you are. So if you need to talk to someone, chances are they'll be online to talk to or just to say hi to people you don't see or text. You can write to tell someone you miss them or to finalize plans etc.
So what is facebook? It used to be just for college kids, then quickly branched out for high schoolers, then they're siblings and parents. It used to be secretive and you could say stuff that only our generation talks about. Now, you have your parents as friends or aunts, uncles, cousins, or your friends parents as friends and they can see whatever you're doing. Although there are privacy settings that allow you to limit certain peoples access, how secret is it really? I have 400some friends, which isn't many compared to most people. So those 400 people can see whatever I do. So they can tell their friends and it goes on and on. So, I believe facebook has become a networking device, no question. You never know when you'll need to talk to a certain person for whatever reason, and when you do, they're just a click away. College parties have become even bigger because with the event feature, the host(s) can post their party and invite their 400+ friends. By 12:00 last night I had already been invited to 3 parties this weekend. Parties that no one had physically told me about, just invited me on facebook. You can opt to attend, not attend, or maybe attend, which gives the host a head count without even having to ask.
There's just so much to do on facebook and it is often the topic of conversation. "Did you see that so and so are in a relationship? Did you hear about the party on friday, just look at my events? Did you see what so and so said in their status? I wonder if they're okay. Did you hear so and so is mad at so and so, look at their status. Did u see that picture Freddy Lou posted? Did you see my new haircut I got a couple hours ago." The list honestly goes on. Our generation is becoming based around facebook, no joke. I spend hours a day on it like most kids. Waiting to talk to someone. Telling someone I'm excited for future plans or to see them next. To tell someone I want to meet up. Checking events and specifications. Creeping on people. Learning about them.
I think we needed something like facebook. Where would we be without it? Just fine....but it helps in many instances I believe.
It's such a crazy phenomenon.
Thank you Mark Zuckerberg..

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Mid Week Crisis

Okay--Real Quick, I need to vent.
This quarter just got super intense and I am VERY agitated right now.
I have two tests tomorrow; Ergonomics and Project Management.
I have the 3rd part of my Accounting project due tomorrow. Which means a good few hours of intense concentration.
I have a lab multiple projects I am working on right now that all need to be finished by next week. This includes doing my part for the projects and meeting with my groups to put everything together and rehearsing the presentations.
I have multiple people I have to e-mail for various reasons.
Needless to say the list goes on and on.
I'm just very irritable right now...

Um next topic; so I feel like everything I'm dealing with right now is talking about future jobs and internships and applying and interviewing, whatever the case. One question that always comes up is; What makes you stand out? Or what makes me of value, or different from other candidates. This is the hardest question for me to answer. Hard because my transcripts aren't at the top of the class, I don't have internship experience that others do, I'm not captain for 5 different sports teams, I'm not involved in every activity possible, etc. By reading that sentence any employer would say NEXT! And knowing that just KILLS me, discourages me, haunts me. I don't have grades that show I'm smart, but I know I am. I'm just not smart like the stereotype. Tests/quizzes don't show my intelligence. I can problem solve quite well. Give me a problem and I will use whatever resources I can to solve it. And I can guarantee you, I won't give up if I'm motivated. Look at me....Many people doubted me when I decided I wanted to become an engineer. But that gave me SO much more motivation to do it. Working at the bookstore, my bosses will give me a project that they expect completed in x amount of time, and I try to finish that in less than x amount of time. And most of the time I surprise them but getting it done faster. Okay; so back to the question, what makes me stand out? I don't know how to answer this, partly because I don't know how to believe in what makes me stand out. I obviously think I'm the best person for the job, but I need to give myself a reason.
I'm reliable. I would never commit to something I couldn't do. I am one of the few people I know that wouldn't "call into work" saying I'm sick when my friends were going shopping. I was promoted to Customer Service Supervisor at the age of 17 at my job working at Shopko because I would usually work when other people "called in" or they needed me. I would work until 10pm on Friday nights even though I was in high school and my friends were doing things. I would cover for people who weren't reliable. Hence partly how I became a supervisor.
I'm always early. Unless something happens to me that I really could not plan for, but I've rarely had that happen. I'm always early for meetings, interviews, class, work, just meeting a friend. I have a good sense of time and like to plan how long it will take me to do what I need to. Especially with interviews, I leave extra early, because I can always sit in my car a few minutes rather than showing up late to something important.
I am super easy to get along with. I've had friends from all different backgrounds; poor, rich, different cultures, shy, outgoing, etc. If you're shy, I'll be quiet so that I don't annoy you. But know that I always listen when you're ready to talk. If you are outgoing, I'll be right along side ready to step out of my comfort zone. For example, when I went to Mexico on my mission trips. I was in a foreign country, without my parents and people who did not speak English. I was forced to become a part of their society and understand the people so that I did not get myself in trouble or embarrass our country. I had to step outside my comfort zone to talk to people with poor Spanish just so that I could interact. Or going to church camp where I didn't know anyone. Making friends has come easy to me since I moved so much as a kid. I gained many personal skills that most people don't acquire. If you are upset or angry I can calm you down and talk through things. Example; I had some friends that were in trouble with the police. I calmed them down enough to have the police thank me. I think that shows something.
I can sympathize with you. Maybe I haven't been through your same situation but I'm sure someone I've been close to has and I can give whatever advice I have to offer. But if it's not the right time to say something, I'll keep quiet. I recently had a friend lose a very close friend. I've never had a friend die, but I knew enough to be there for him. He needed someone to talk to, and that's what I gave him. I told him what I could through experience and God. He really appreciated it and made him trust me even more as a friend.
If you're sad, I'll cry with you. There's nothing wrong with crying. I'm emotional, and have enough to cry about myself. I can imagine the pain you may have
Back to the work environment; If something was over looked and has a short deadline to be finished, I can definitely finish things last minute. I've had a number of different bosses and managers who expect different things, and I can adjust. I had a manager at Shopko who ended up getting pregnant from a coworker. No one was expecting it or knew anything about it, for some reason she talked to me about it, but I listened. I am not going to be the person to judge and tell you what you did was wrong. I'm sure there are plenty of other people telling you. But I'll listen because that's probably what you need. Maybe it made her feel better to explain herself.
I've become a much better customer because of working in the retail/service industry. Being a waitress is hard, demanding, demeaning at times so I understand the waiters point of view when I am out to eat. I understand what they have to do, which makes it much easier for me to be understanding.
Okay, so I have a ton of homework I need to do. I think this let me calm down a bit. :) Thanks everyone.
SOOOO I leave you with this:
Psalm 55:22
Cast your burden upon the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never allow the righteous to be shaken.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

60 miles per hour.

What do you think of when you hear 60 mph? Driving down a country road with a speed limit of 55, but going 5 over? The slow people on the high way? 26.8224 meters per second?
Well, most of Wisconsin is thinking that 60 mph describes the wind we've been having. Temperatures plummeted and winds rose early this week. Yet, leaf blowers were still out doing there job (or lack there of) helping the wind blow the leaves around even more, real efficient guys. Garbage was sent flying around Milwaukee. Construction signs now litter the roads from being blown over. Power was cut in parts of Milwaukee. We seem to get a lot of extreme weather here, yet every time we do, everyone and thing is far from prepared. They are still fixing the sink hole that occurred in July. Mold contractors are booked because of water damaged that happened with the same storm. Milwaukee is a mess because of the wind. People around campus are still wearing shorts and T-shirts although temperatures are below 30. Yet, in summer, we all complain how hot it is and how Wisconsin doesn't adjust to the heat. Okay, I'm done. That's my daily weather rant and disappointment in preparation.
I had an accounting test that didn't go well this morning. Great start to my day and weekend :(
Got some inches chopped off my hair today. Feels like a ton to me, but no one's even noticed. Thanks friends?
On to another important topic. Me, emotion filled Berea Janzen. I have a friend who deals with anger issues, I'm not sure what kind. Depression/ Bipolar....I'm not sure. But deffinately something. I've tried for so long to not let it affect me, but lately it has REALLY been bothering me. Everyone that knows me well could probably agree I don't hide my emotions. Why should I? Okay, but I'm usually a very happy, motivated person. On occasion, things make me angry, upset, sad, whatever, but I don't hold on to those feelings because it doesn't make me a happy person. Okay, so this friend has really been bringing me down. I understand she might not be able to control her feelings (I mean, I don't understand why, but I understand she can't) but there's no need for me to get dragged down with her. I HATE my friends being sad or angry just as much as I hate being sad and angry. So I'm usually good at listening and trying to work through their emotions. But this specific person won't talk to me or open up or tell me anything, which Berea Janzen does not understand. I'm your friend, TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON. If you can't talk to me, how am I a friend? I realize I am more open about my emotions and feelings than most people and I don't expect you to be like that, but just tell me what's bothering you. I really don't know what to do about it anymore. She has said that it's nothing that I've done wrong to make her in those moods, but that's how she makes me feel. What if she IS mad at me but isn't telling me, I have no idea. It hurts me to see her like this and hurts me even more that I am being brought down to that level because of how cranky I've been lately. I don't know what to say to her because I feel like everything I say makes it worse. I've never been in this situation.
Life and especially high school/college is too short to be angry about people and things. Negative things don't belong in my life. I need to have the time of my life so I can grow up. I am a happy person.
Breathe.
Thanks for listening to me. This blog therapy really helps me vent. I don't always need to have someone tell me advice because the best advice is finding out on my own. Live and learn my dad always says. So that's what I shall do.

Proverbs 17:22 - "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones."

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Fresh to Death

Number one: I had an awesome night with my roomie last night, Alyssa Hintzen. :) Thanks lyss.
We went to Bar Louie and Casablanca to hang out. Very fun.

Next: I read some of my journal last night. So I've had this journal that I've written in since I was 6 years old. SIX. I could barely write at 6. I definitely could not spell correctly or make grammatically correct sentences. But that's the awesomeness of it. At 6 years old, you have a minimal filter of what you say. You say what you feel and mean. I would write about the most exciting things to me. Which were SO simple. Besides the fact that I've lived in 7 different cities/towns since I was born, so my journal follows my experiences through each of the different locations. Not to mention the places I've gone on vacation to and experienced that I also wrote about. It is so nice to be able to look back and remember things that I would have forgotten about but no, I have them written down. I read the very first few pages of my journal, which was quite an experience. At points, I had no idea what I was trying to say or what some words were. It is so unedited and raw. I wrote about certain people that made me extremely mad, I wrote about my family problems, about friends and teachers that made my childhood horrible, but it's awesome that I wrote about it to remember how my life was at certain points.
I really want to write a book of my journal sometime, but I don't know how to do it. Nobody's read my journal before so I don't know how to expose it. I don't want to include anything that would personally hurt anyone, but I do, because it was my journal and part of my life. But what's the point of writing a book, if I continue to record my memories and experiences? My life certainly isn't over :) I might be writing in my journal on my death bed. It gives me an escape to think about things. Just like blogging. Except the whole world can read my thoughts--creepy.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Twenty. Years. Old.

It's happening all around me. My friends breaking up, hooking up, dating, "talking", seeing each other, etc.
High school is "easy" when it comes to relationships. You know the people from your own school maybe a few others from local schools. The extent of the drama is if your significant other is talking to another person or hanging out with the opposite sex, but nothing like college relationships. In college, you meet a ton of new people, some people start cheating on each other, everyone is changing and growing up, people get drunk/ do drugs and make relationship threatening decisions, and the list goes on. Okay so putting this is perspective, what does this all mean for me or how do I relate?
Well, I've been through my share of relationships, college and high school, I've witnessed mannnny of my friends go through many relationship situations, serious and not so serious.
I went through a major break up about 6-7 months ago when my boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up. I am still currently single, which is a whole nother story. I've been there for my friends and they've been there for me, but things get so much more confusing and complicated at this point of our lives. Couples in different schools, different programs, their backgrounds are a mystery because you did not grow up with many of the people you meet. You don't spend 35 hours a week at the same school in the same classes with your "partner". You don't meet at your lockers in between classes, and much of your time is spent doing what you need to to to get through college. People get apartments and start living together, which complicates things even more. Love can make you do crazy and stupid things, it's love...
I had a friend recently move into our apartment this past week because she was living with her boyfriend and they broke up. I'm her friend, so I'm going to do what I can to be there for her and help her however she needs. 3 of us currently lived here, but extended an invite for her to live in our small extra 4th room. Right now, that's all she needs. She is helping with rent, so we all had no problem with her moving in. She graduates in December, so she thinks that's how long she'll need to stay with us. Anyways, I would want my friend to help me like that, so of course I would do the same.

As for me, life's confusing. I've had a crazy past week. My life always seems to be interesting, I secretly like it that way I think. I was told by a guy this week that I'm kind of known around campus as "hard to get" and don't fall for guys. I don't try to, it's just how I am, and I don't think that's bad. My personality makes it hard for me to be blunt and turn guys down, maybe that's why I have a lot of guy friends, because that's all I'm looking for but I don't give the wrong impression that I'm interested, if I'm not. But anyways, hearing that from a guy is kind of awkward. I don't want to know what guys think of me, in that sense. I don't need to be stuck up about it or think that every guy wants me or something. That's not me.
Anyways, it's been hard for me because I like the comfort of being taken care of and cared about and feeling special by a special person but I'm not going to jump into or force something that doesn't need to happen right now. I am proud of myself for not having a "rebound" guy or falling easy for someone that isn't right. I like to have fun and see what's out there. I'm just trying to settle down, learn about myself, and focus on my future career before I make any rash decisions. Is it hard? EVERY day, but it's good for me and at least I can say I don't regret taking time for myself. Why put something in your life that doesn't make you happy? Happiness is so important to me.

Okay so I am going home for a day this weekend. And is it wrong that I am more than super excited to see my cat? I miss her. She doesn't change. She doesn't tell me about her problems..:) It seems when I'm home, it's never long enough but I always want to come back to Milwaukee. That's good right? I like being both places.

Alright, I have my Ergonomics lab to go to. I shall talk to you later.

1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails...And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Rest in Peace

Death--

My first experience with death was when my cat, whiskers died when I was 6 years old. Losing a pet in the first place is detrimental, and then to only be 6 years old, when the only people you are close to is your family and pets. I could tell you everything that happened. I woke up for school and my parents told me that my cat had died. She had been squished under the garage door and froze to death over night. Think about taking that in as a 6 year old who had never experienced death before. (I loved that cat.) I remember my brother and I burying her in our backyard in Buffalo, Oklahoma. We used a small piece of wood to mark her grave. My brother wrote R.I.P. on the wood and I remember asking what that meant. That was my first exposure ever to that acronym. He says it meant "rest in peace". I remember thinking he just made it up.
My first funeral was somewhere around 6 years of age. We were living in Buffalo, Oklahoma and as you know, my dad being a pastor, does funerals and weddings and confirmations and baptisms. So I was really little and someone died that my mom knew, so her and I went to the funeral, but sat up in the balcony because she didn't know the person that well. I remember seeing the casket and everyone crying and wearing black. It was a lot to take in as a young kid. I went to the cemetery and watched the burial etc.
Then growing up in Sabetha, Kansas I had my first experience losing a friend. I believe I was 14. A girl from my grade died. When there was only 70 people in my class, you knew everyone. Although I wasn't close with her, some of my friends were.
That is about the extent of my death experiences. I've never had a family member die or a very close friend. But the reason I bring death up is because this past week, 5 kids about my age have passed away. 2 from my high school. One from Sheboygan and 2 of my friends from MSOE have lost friends. 5 people (KIDS) in one week that I have known about. That seems like a lot. Anyways, it's an eye opening experience. It puts everything in perspective. Like I said to my mom; part of growing up is being young and reckless, but at what point to you go beyond that and danger your life? Doing stupid things in your car, doing drugs, alcohol....it's so dangerous and sad that teenagers aren't educated enough about these things. As my mom told me; "That's why it is best to live under the law. Obedience gives freedom. Hard to accept when you're a teen or young adult." And it's so true. It might be hard, I know first hand being a young adult. I've done stupid things, but there comes a point when you can look back and say, was that really smart? Nooo.
Okay enough ranting.
My condolences go out to all the family and friends dealing with losses of loved ones. It's okay to cry and talk about your feelings. And know that God will always listen.

Jesus replied, "You do not realize what I am doing now, but later you will understand."
-John 13:7

Thursday, October 7, 2010

69 degrees with a chance of Latte

How did I go from using my space heater on monday to using AC in my car by Thursday? Please do explain this weather to me! Boots on monday, dress on Thursday. At least I get to wear a variety of outfits from my wardrobe within a weeks time I suppose.
SPIDERS:
I don't quite know why, but in the past few months I have become increasingly hatred about spiders. Our apartment seems to have A LOT of them...or used to until I unleashed a can of RAID throughout my house. But I seem to notice them everywhere. Even when I walk through school or buildings, I look for cobbwebs, unconciously, but I notice them everywhere. I even have one somewhere about my car who creates a new web on my mirror every night. You'd think if their web kept getting destroyed every day, they would relocate. And for the record, I already killed one on my car, but there keeps being a web. I hate driving knowing there is a spider somewhere VERY near me. OKAY, so why my obsession with spiders? Why do I hate them so much? Why am I so scared of them? They're just like any other bug. I want to get over my fear, but at the same time, I don't want to be okay with them.
Another radom thought; whenever I am driving around downtown Milwaukee I always wonder if there is some tall building that has a public lookout of the city. I need to research that after I'm done blogging.
Next: I need to get back in the gym, sooner than later. I can't believe week 5 is already almost over.
Isaiahs coming to visit tomorrow :)
OOoooh: ESPRESSO----so my dad gave me his espresso machine, which I love! I bought vanilla syrup and tried it out this morning. =AMAZING. I made an awesome vanilla latte. I'm sooo excited to be able to make my own now and save money from going to Starbucks, and I actually make them good! :)

Monday, October 4, 2010

Happy Berea

Time: End of day 1 of week 5. Emotion: Happy. Location: Freezing apartment. Thoughts: Satisfied, perplexed, motivated, yet cold.
Elaboration:
It's October 4th, 45 degrees out. I talk about weather a lot because it effects my mood quite a bit. Although, it's a cold fall night, my feelings aren't representative...
I hung out with my roommates for a good chunk of time tonight. We had a "breakthrough", I'd say. I'm not going to talk much about it because they aren't my feelings to tell, but it relieves some tension in the house. I like talking. I like telling my feelings and trying to come closer to understanding others feelings. It makes me happy, call me crazy.
I got some homework done ahead of time, and it feels awesome to be in the 5th week of classes and not behind in any of my classes or feeling the need to be stressed and stay up all night to finish homework, but actually ahead a bit.
Although my night went from roommate night to roommates and their boyfriends plus Berea night. It bothers me being the only single one in the house, but I need to come to peace with it. I need to be comfortable with myself. I am ever so slightly getting closer to this point and good for me. It's only taken me about 6 months and I need not rush it.
I spent the past hour or so working on my resume. It depresses me. I feel like there is so much to know about Berea that can't be written on a single sheet of paper. I'm a deeper person than my work experience, qualifications, and education can show in print. But companies don't have time to get to know the whole Berea, understandable. Employers shop for the best employee. I think we can agree that when you go shopping, you're probably looking for something different than what the other thousand people in the mall are shopping for. So how do I "sell" myself as the best product everyone is shopping for? I think if we knew the answer to this, getting a job would be EASY. So anyways, editing my resume can get to be depressing, I want the perfect resume, who doesn't? Career fair Friday, I'm nervous. All of MSOE fighting for jobs/internships, relatively speaking. Awesome.
Easy day tomorrow. Project management and accounting and two hours of work. And some more Berea time...
By the way, I think elephants live above me. Nocturnal elephants. That romp around their house late at night and wee hours of the morning. Go to bed elephants...
Can't wait for a nice cup of coffee in the morning, a relaxing day, and to learn some new stuff....
Good night Bereas blog readers.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Summer, Autumn, Fall?

Boy has it been a while since I've talked to the world....Last time we talked, I believe it was somewhere near 85 degrees out and 85% humidity...haha. Now, my thermometer reads a solid 50 degrees. Goodbye flip flops and tank tops, hello boots. The weather isn't the only thing changing this time of the year.
I began school 4 weeks ago to be exact....Yes, I was very sad to leave summer, but secretly, a part of me was ready to move on. Tomorrow begins our 5th week of classes marking the half way point. Crazy to think we are already that far! I am in 5 classes right now; Deterministic Modeling and Optimization (IE381), Project Management (IE340), Accounting (MS354), Ergonomics (IE3620), and professional guidance (OR402). I am actually enjoying my semester thus far as the majority of my classes are IE classes. Call me a little geeky but it excites me to learn things that I may be doing the rest of my life, or at least help me in my future career. It is MSOE though, and stress is always a huge factor, at least I am somewhat accustom to it this year.
I still have all my jobs from this summer relatively speaking. I work at the bookstore a solid 10 hours a week. It deffinately drains me sometimes and gets overwhelming with school, but nothing I can't handle and my bosses are very understanding of education over work. I'm still working at the bar on the weekends here and there. It's nice having another source of money and a little get away from school. I am on a break from AE, but still employed. Three jobs would interefere with school I think...
Speaking of the cold weather, my dad just gave me his espresso machine for my apartment, and tonight was the first time I tried it out. Believe it or not, it worked great, and I had some deliciouos coffee to enjoy after. I made the espresso and steamed the milk, which I hear isn't too easy. Better than wasting 4-5 bucks for someone to make coffee for me.
To be a little more up to date, I was able to enjoy a relaxing weekend the past few days. I didn't work at the bar this weekend which was good in the sense I could relax. Had some nice Berea time on Friday, at home, by myself, no interuptions, etc. Saturday, pretty much same thing. Saw a few friends, relaxed. Today not much different. Although 3 days of "Berea time" is enough, I'm getting bored and lonely. Supposibly in a half hour I'll be meeting with my roommates for a group project....
I have yet to began a regular work out routine so I'm still not feeling in good physical shape. BLAH.
Well its about 8 so I need to go get stuff ready for meeting with my group.
Talk to you later

Monday, August 16, 2010

August

So I'm leaving in the morning to visit my grandparents in Minnesota. :) Haven't seen them in quite a while so I'm excited. And I've never gone to visit them without my fam. This might be my last trip before summer is over. I've put quite a few miles on my car this summer with going to Colorado and all.
School starts September 7th so I'm trying to enjoy every last day. The weather is finally starting to cool down. Bittersweet. I've had many restless nights of trying to sleep in the heat, so 60's seems very nice. I haven't been to the beach in a while :( I don't know why not. I miss it. I'm really going to miss it in a month and 3 months.
I'm excited for everyone to get back to mil though.
<3 night

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Recession

Controversy.
Protests.
War.
Gossip.
Why?
I had an awesome workout today. Why? I watch the news (CNN, Fox, etc...) when I work out so that I don't focus on how long I've been exercising and convince myself I should quit. Anyhew! I always have a good workout when something good is on the news, like today. Headline: Protests for jobless benefits. GAG! I understand that our economy is BAD, horrible, etc. Trust me, my dad has pounded it in my head. Okay, but jobless benefits?...What are we coming to? Let's encourage the lazy to be even lazier. Sure, I'm only 20 and don't have kids or a house, but I go to a private school and have debt. So, should I protest that I deserve a house because I don't have a 60,000 dollar a year job? Hm, nah. If the government gives the unemployed what they want in order to have a good life, what will ever make them want to go back to work?
Next question; I'm glad people have time to protest instead of looking for a job. Haha oxymoron?
Oh politics, never ends. Thank God there are people that like doing that stuff for a living, I just couldn't do it.
I TRY to stay out of it, cause honestly, what do I know? Please don't take any of my comments personally, just something to think about eh?

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

When you cant sleep; Blog!

3:40 am.
Possibly everyone I know is asleep somewhere right now, I'm not.
Why?
Number one, I'm sweating. No air conditioning, two fans blowing on me, the dew point is almost the same as the temperature. My body just isn't used to this. I wish it was, because I love the heat. But when I'm trying to sleep, I'd rather it be 60 degrees and wrapped up in a comforter. But I shouldn't complain. Winter will be here soon enough and I'll be complaining about the cold.
Number two, I can't get my weight off my mind. I've let myself go way too much this summer. It's too hott to run the oven or turn on the stove to cook a decent meal. It's too hott to go for a run or rollerblade during the day and I don't wake up early enough in the morning or want to be out by myself past dark. I guess I'm just making excuses. I can't complain if I'm not doing anything about it. I've never had someone say to my face that I'm letting my weight get out of control that I can recall. I know I'm not fat, I just don't feel as healthy as I could be. This is an awkward thing to be telling the world about. I don't want you to feel bad for me or tell me I'm not fat, I probably won't listen.
Number three, I have an awkward itch on my throat. I'm thinking some sort of heat rash possibly? Because my neck just started itching tonight, and it's just on my neck. And now that I'm thinking about it, it's itching. next subject....
I need to get to Minnesota. I've been tossing around this idea for weeks. I need to visit my relatives; grandma and grandpa. I don't see them enough. I should have gone this week, but decided that too late. I don't want to drive the 6ish hours alone either. I've never done a drive like that alone. I need to go before the end of summer or it will be another 4 months til I see them. :-\
I'm reading two books right now that also have me thinking. No Shortcuts to the Top and So Long Insecurity. I started No Shortcuts to the Top because after going to Colorado I was inspired to read about hiking/ backpacking and love the stories because they can be so intense at times. And I love to read about stuff my brother kinda does, because he never gives the full story. And I picked up So Long Insecurity because my mom gave it me because I've always had issues with the topic. And it's summer so I have time to read. :)
School school school. Starts in less than a month. gag. This summer has been awesome, I do not want it to end.
Jobs. I think about this toooooo much. I have 3 jobs right now. Let me explain. First; Bookstore at MSOE. I got the job through my roommate who got it through her brother, etc etc. I work there during the school year, 10 hours a week. It's perfect. Enough to make some money. I love my bosses, they are so nice and understanding. School comes first and they completely understand this. Kathy is like a mother. She brings us food and I can tell her about stuff going on in my life. Okay, job number two; Victors. It's a bar, nightclub, restaurant. I'm a cocktail waitress. I've become good friends with virtually all the people I work with. My "boss" is also very cool. I'm very flexible, so when they need me to work, I work. In turn, if I need off, she's very understanding. Thanks Robin :). I usually have a blast at work and make good money. Job three; American Eagle. I am still figuring this job out because it's my newest. I still don't know everybody that works there and am not totally comfortable yet. It's a work in progress. But it's the most stressful because I'm still learning. It has it's pluses and minuses and I'm still figuring out how I'm going to be able to keep all three jobs come school. School is the most important to me and I need to focus on doing good. Period.
I miss my cat, my parents, my brother, homecooked food, air conditioning, best friends, the beach.
I feel like a need a shower cause I'm hot. Oh yeah, the maintenence guy ripped the ceiling out of both of our bathrooms. There was water dripping from the light in one bathroom and the ceiling was kinda molding in the other?...So now, we're waiting for all that to get fixed. On top of not having screens on some of the windows in our house so my roommates let all the night creatures in. ew.
My iPhone 4 is scheduled to be here Wednesday morning. YAY. yay yay yay.al;djfasl More on that later.
I have a lot I wanted to do tomorrow (today/Tuesday). But now I'm up til 4am so who knows when I'll wake up. I need to work out, talk to the financial aid department, talk to my bosses at the bookstore to see when they want me to start working again, and go to the bank.
Oh, I also need to call my dentist. Both I've been putting off for weeks, shame on me.
What would make me less stressed: My mom called my dentist to set up an appointment. I knew where I was going to take my loan from. I knew the future of my job at AE. I was 15 pounds lighter. And the humidity would chill out. whew. I think this made me more stressed thinking about what's making me stressed.
Now that I blew off some steam, goodnight.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

What I cant have

"Don't make this think you can have anything you want." -This is the phrase that came from my mom tonight at dinner.
So, yesterday was my birthday and I've been on a bender of eating out it seems, while I was at home with my parents the past few days. Yes, they spoil me. Anyways, I ordered the new iPhone 4G today, which I'll say was a birthday present from my parents. I currently have the 3G, for a little background. So, my mom wanted to make it clear that this doesn't mean I get whatever I want, since this was a big purchase etc etc.
Well, this got me thinking, "What can't I have". I mean, if I can talk my parents into buying me another iphone, and they gave me the car I have and help me financially, how spoiled am I?
I can tell you, I won't be buying a 2010 car anytime soon, I won't be living in a pent house anytime soon, I won't be flying myself to cancun for spring break, I won't be going on huge shopping spree's etc. I can't have everything I want. But what is everything I want? I could say I want to eat at fancy restaurants every night, but I don't. I could say I want to spend hundreds of dollars at the mall, but there are more important things to me. I could say I want a new car, but mine gets me where I need to go. I could say I want to fly somewhere expensive for a vacation, but visiting my brother in Colorado was just as good to me. Sure, luxury things are nice, but I am just as content not having the best. So is it okay that I splurge to get an iPhone? I'd like to think so.
I can't have the perfect boyfriend. I mean maybe some day, but I can't just go grocery shopping for a boy. HAHAHH what a thought....
I can't have the internship I dream of. I mean, hopefully, but it's not as easy as buying an iPhone.
I can't have straight A's.....or, I can't "buy" straight A's.
See, the important things in life you can't buy. That's why they're important. If anyone could buy these things, they would lose value/ worth. That's why I've tried to be less materialistic. I still like to look nice and have good electronics (iPhone), but overall I'd like to think I do better than many millenials/gen Yers.
Hmmm food for thought.
night

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Summer Girls

Sorry for not talking in a very long while. I've come to the point that blogging doesn't do much for me. In the sense that I very much so censor what I write because of who may be reading this. Censoring in the sense that I may be frustrated at someone, but I wouldn't want to offend anyone by writing it on here. Or I might be having boy problems and don't really need the whole world seeing that aspect of my life that is very personal.

But anyways!...The biggest update of my summer was the trip to Colorado that I just got back from. My friend Alyssa and I went out to Colorado for about 5 days to visit my brother and do some sight seeing. I took Alyssa to Sabetha Kansas last summer on a road trip and we decided to start a tradition of traveling to different places so Colorado was our destination this summer.

We stayed with my brother at Tahosa Scout Camp, where he is working for the summer. To our surprise, we were given a cabin to stay in and free meals per the camp. What a better vacation than getting a free place to stay and free food!? We did do some work for the camp like washing dishes after the boyscouts ate, but we honestly didn't mind. Everyone was very nice and welcoming of us and I made some good friends that I already miss after only knowing for a few short days.

One of the things I wanted to do while in Colorado was to hike Long's Peak. It sounds easy right? Hiking can't be that hard if you've never been to the mountains before, or so you think. Long's Peak round trip is about 14-15 miles and a 5,000 foot ascent to the top at 14, 259 feet. So Alyssa and I wake up at 2:45 to get our stuff together and leave for the trail head of Long's Peak. We set out on the trail at about 4 am in hopes of making it to the summit before 1pm and beat the rain. Both of us aren't in the best shape or used to the altitude whatsoever. The first 500-1000 feet had us both panting like dogs. After we got over the intitial shock of the incline and difficulty, I think things got better and we moved at a much steadier pace. It was fun for me being the first time I was the most experienced hiker in a group or not having my brother there to motivate me, I was the motivator. Making it out of treeline was our first excitement, because it made us both feel like we were getting somewhere even though the summit still looked so far away. At about 10 we made it to Boulder Field, which was also very exciting. The Keyhole was now within view and was another milestone we had to look forward to. Although, it looked like a short hike, it took about an hour or more to reach the Keyhole. Getting there was so exciting. Knowing I had made it further than many people and done something most of my friends would never imagine doing on a vacation. Besides the fact of me being out of shape and still pushing myself to do it. When we got to the Keyhole Alyssa was feeling very sick, as was I. We both had unbearable headaches, which I can only describe to you as someone squeezing my head so hard it was ready to explode, literally. Alyssa said it hurt her to even move her eyes or attempt looking at the sky. We had both lost our appetite which is very bad if you are unable to eat after hiking 7 miles and 7 hours..
We decided we would be turning around because neither of us were in the condition to continue for our safety. I still think of it as an accomplishment and am so proud of Alyssa for doing something not many people our age would do.

Leaving Colorado was very sad for both of us. Saying good bye to my brother and his coworkers, leaving the mountains, and ending our vacation. :(

Other than that, I might be addicted to Sushi now. My birthday is in less than a week. And I am trying to make every day of summer last.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Dear Summer...

SORRRY EVERYONE!!! for the lack of updating...
To be completely honest, I've been crazy busy making decisions and figuring some stuff out and I don't always like talking about that kind of stuff because when I change my mind or things change unexpected, I hate giving false sense of what's going on. Hope that makes sense....So for the updates!!!:

Summer: -Something Wisconsin does not experience, do not lie to yourself. Two weeks of "warm" weather does not count ;) Okay, don't get mad at me for saying this, it's just my personal opinion.

Anyways, I ended the semester alright...My GPA isn't what I'd like but I made it through all my courses, thank God :) I started a summer class that is going okay, just okay due to some other things I'll be explaining later in this post....

To those of you who have no hope in this economy, I want to share a positive experience...Since about March, I have been offered 5 positions for various jobs. Granted they are all college type jobs, it proves that if you put forth an effort, there are possibilities for sure. So when school ended, my job at the bookstore did as well. For the summer anyways, when school starts in the fall, I will be returning to the bookstore. So that left me to find a job for the summer. As I mentioned a while ago, I got a job as a cocktail waitress at a place right down the street from my apartment, convenient I know. That is every Friday and Saturday night, so I wanted another job to keep me busy during the week. I was then interviewed for a waitressing position at a different restaurant a couple blocks away from my house and was offered the job. After training 5 days, I was completely worn out, was running on about 2 hours of sleep for a couple nights and had an entire menu to memorize, including every dish served and what everything includes, it was just kind of rediculous considering I had another job AND taking an important summer class. So I resigned from my position after feeling like I couldn't keep up, that was something really hard for me to admit. Here I am in the middle of a poor economy with two jobs and I quit one because it was too hard....30 years ago, that would not have been acceptable I feel. People are doing much harder work than I, am I always going to quit when things are too hard? NOOOOO, not at all. But when I am running my body into the ground and taking my job more important than my education, there's a problem and in that sense, I'm glad I did what I did. So I still want another weekday job, because my class won't go all summer and I could use more money than I'm making on the weekends.
I had another interview about a month ago at American Eagle but didn't hear anything for a month so I figured it was a lost cause and they had filled the position. Low and behold I get a call and offered the job. This is when I quit the job I had only trained for and accepted this position. I start training for that in about a week and a half.
So I ended up missing a class because I got a verrry sore throat and was very overtired. With only having 10 classes, missing one was deathly. Thank God, I got caught up and did better than I expected on my first test.
So I've been trying to make it to the beach when I can. When this stupid weather is nice enough....
Meanwhile I've been dealing with the drama of boys....it never ends. So I live day to day dealing with it as it comes...blah
Happy Summer all....I'll try to stay in touch.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Week 9...

...Hence why you haven't been hearing from me.

My classes are closing down and coming to an end, which means no tests, but lots of homework and figuring out my grades and doing last minute things to try and bring my grade up. Finishing projects, etc.

I haven't had much time to workout which is stressing me also. I find I am the happiest when I can get at least an hour workout in a day. Otherwise I feel lazy, fat, etc.

I'm having a lot going on in the job world these days. I am currently working about 10 hours a week at the bookstore providing I don't have homework or whatever. Then I have the restaurant job, which I'm only working a couple nights a week (mostly weekends) right now because I said I have school coming to an end and it is kind of stressful...

Other EXCITING news!!!--I have an interview at American Eagle today!! I hope all goes well because it is one of my favorite stores, and it would be great to have a day job for the summer. The main reason I got an interview was because one of my close friends works there and her boss asked if she had any friends that wanted a summer job. :) It's all about who you know...unfortunately? or fortunately?

Keep me in your prayers with school coming to an end and finals, and job situations.

Thanks love you all!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Unemployment no mas.

I have a summer job. :) Thanks for the prayers.

I will be working at a restaurant/bar a couple blocks away from my apartment. Speaking of apartment, Saturday was our official first day at my first apartment. We are slowing getting stuff there, and I can't wait for school to be DONE. Summer sounds so good right now. Even better that I'll have income. I'm still looking for another possible job to help pay bills and get savings. We shall see though.

Thought I'd update you. But it's way past my bedtime. Goodnight.

Monday, April 26, 2010

:)

It's been a good day!
Read the last post if you haven't already. (I wrote it this morning)

So my IE348 test went well today!! :) and I got my Mechanics test back from last week and I passed, which is getting better for me! haha

Good news, my ME207 lab isn't due tomorrow! So I have an extra week to work on it with my lab group which is awesome, so I can do other homework for Wednesday. yayyyyyy

This morning I saw a kid get hit in the crosswalk. It was SO scary...My roommates and I were on our way to class and all of a sudden a motorcyclist runs through a red light and hits a kid walking through the crosswalk (he had a walk sign by the way). She proceeded to crash her motorcycle. I honestly thought I had just seen a kid die, but thankfully he got up and seemed to be just fine. I don't know how, because he was flipped in the air....She was alright as well. It was just very scary, and now I don't want to cross the street...ha.

Also, its my friends birthday on Wednesday and this is a surprise so hopefully she doesn't read my blog. (JAMIE IF YOU'RE READING, STOP NOW!!!!) Anyways....her boyfriend rented a limo and invited me along, so I'm pretty excited!

If you want to talk to me, today's a good day, cause I'm happy. See youuu!

Quality Assurance

Hello all!

Good weekend=Happy Berea on Monday.

Friday I went to the Brewers/Cubs game. Unfortunately the Brewers got swept by the cubs....unfortunate. But I met some new people, which I always love. :)
Saturday was my close friends birthday so we took her to dinner. Then I had an interview at a bar for a waitress/bartending position (at 10pm on Saturday by the way.) It went very well I think, the guy that I talked to just has to talk to his boss and he said he'd give me a good recomendation!

Other news: I get my apartment Saturday. My roommates and I are camping out in our new place and painting. yay! We got the keys on Friday, so we are all set. Rent is due Saturday and I'm really hoping my loan comes through Friday like it's supposed to...

This week for school:
Quality Assurance test today at 3
ME207 Lab; Stress in a cantilever Beam, due tomorrow
Differential Equations test Wed
ME207 Chapter 7 homework; Flectural Stress due Wed
Just have to make it to Wednesday night!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

"Just hope you're Heaven sent, and you're hell proof"

We can't predict life after death, but we can sure think about it.

So this week is definitely going slower than I had expected and I've been WAY busier than expected. A couple homework assignments that took way longer than they should have/than I expected. I've had a couple meetings with different people; my lab group for my Mechanics of Materials class, today I have a meeting with a Milwaukee company that I am doing a project for. Then tonight I am going to see a Christian comedian. Just busy.

Next Saturday I officially get to move into my first apartment! :) We get the keys this Friday, and then next weekend myself and two roommates are spending the weekend together at the apartment. Excited=DUHHHH.

Still looking for a summer job although I have some strong leads. We'll see, yano.

So the past month I've learned a lot, A LOT about myself. Good things, I think. Stuff that you don't realize when you have a boyfriend for 3 years. I'm just happy that we've grown up to the point that we realize what's best and can still be friends and move on.

For other news, I am extremely dissapointed the warm weather I ordered hasn't arrived...

Monday, April 12, 2010

Thanks :)

I have a lot to be thankful for and that's what I'm dedicating this post to.
Maybe that's why I ALWAYS get in trouble for breaking the rules, because I truly have so many things to be thankful for that I completely take for granted and don't pay attention to.

I'm thankful for my parents. For the money they've blessed me with, the things they've bought me, the awesome food they cook, the life lessons they've taught me, how they've raised me, and really the list goes on...

I thank God for giving me beauty. I'm not a girl to flaunt what I have or brag about it or think I'm better than anyone for what God has given me. It's a blessing that maybe I don't deserve but am NO DOUBT thankful for. :)
....AND BRAINS. School might not be easy for me, but I think the challenge is what makes me smart. My willingness to learn and strong will to understand. I can connect the dots and put 2 and 2 together.

I am thankful for being cultured. I have traveled and experienced many different societies, cultures, towns, states as to be unbelievable for my age. I understand how busy New York City is, how relaxed Cali is, how cold Wisconsin is, how southern Kansas is, and a lot of in between. I have friends from all over the United States and like hearing their stories and background. Makes me appreciate what I have because many other states don't and visa versa.

I'm thankful for friends. Particularly the friends in my life who have accepted me. I was NOT born in raised in the same house my whole life or even the same town, city, or state which made my childhood extremely difficult I think. I've looked back and realized how much I was "bullied" as a kid and how hard it was for me. The nights I spent crying, feeling worthless, hated, different, or like something was wrong with me. So I thank the people in my life who befriended me and have made me feel good about myself. Mostly to my friends from Sheboygan Falls. I'm not a perfect child and I know not everyone likes me, but for some reason I finally felt like I fit in in Falls.

I'm thankful for my kitties (past and present). Although I all to often wish I was a cat and could just eat, sleep, play, and purr all day, I'm glad I could give a nice home to the four cats I've had throughout my life. RIP: Whiskers, Purr, and Tiger.

I thank my roommate for the job I have and that I have a job. My roommate got me my current job. Therefore, I have income and two wonderful bosses. One boss that brings me food because I don't get home cooked food here at school.

I thank my brother for being my role model. He may not know it (until now) but I truly look up to him. How much he runs motivates me to workout, because if he is doing all that, I can't stand to think I'm being lazy or out of shape. That he is an avid climber, camper, etc. An "extreme" extra curricular activity that he's been dedicated to even though we grew up in the flattest part of America, he still found something that not everyone does. His uniqueness. I think it's awesome that he's been able to experience different parts of the U.S. on his own. I don't have ambition to move around, leave friends, family, so I look up to the fact he can be that strong. P.S. Isaiah if you're reading this, hang in there, you know you always have family to support you and love you :).

I'm thankful for my communication skills. I've always kind of liked writing, for school or fun. I've come out of my shell and been able to talk to adults a little easier recently although it's been a struggle for me. My ability to talk in front of crowds. It makes me nervous, no doubt, but gives me a kind of adrenaline I love.

I'm thankful for adrenaline. Dancing in high school gave me the best feeling ever. Every performance was exhilarating, but I loved it. Being in front of people, doing what I loved, embarassing myself sometimes and showing off my talent other times. Back to adrenaline, I've always liked rollercoasters. The feeling of my stomach coming through my throat or the risk that something may go wrong with the roller coaster, but most likely wouldn't. Adrenaline. I can't wait to skydive some day. I loved backpacking when I was 13. In the Rocky mountains with no parents, no immediate exit, bears, snakes, whatever else. Dehydrating and throwing up at 13,000 feet isn't something most kids experience, I don't regret it, I loved it.

Thanks to everyone who has given me support. Mainly my parents, extended family, friends, teachers/professors, coaches, bosses, adults. Financial, emotional, spiritual, etc.

I could honestly go on with things I'm thankful for. My common sense, morals, ability, flexibility, support. The longer I think, the more things I think of.
If I have left anything out, don't think I'm not thankful for it.

I think enough about deadlines and things I'm not doing right or things I wish I had that I needed to reminisce on everything I have and am glad for.

Again, thanks everyone!
Have a good week.
xoxo Berea

Thursday, April 8, 2010

JOBS....really?

Being home is too depressing.
I'm on spring break right now. Thanks to trimesters, no one else in this country is on Spring break...okay just kidding.

So being home...
I'm done hearing "Berea, this economy is REALLY bad."
I KNOW IT'S BAD...how do I know?...
#1: My brother: Bachelor in Aerospace Engineering, masters in Material Science....and no job.
#2: I live in the state with the most bars in America I think...and I have my bartending license and experience bartending and waitressing, so I'm looking for a summer job in Milwaukee doing either of those things and right now, it's not looking promising. This is all depressing and I'm sick of talking/hearing about it.

So I've been working on a project :)
I took my brothers old dresser and am fixing it up.
It had a ton of stickers on it, so I spent a good hour+ taking those off.
Then I started sanding it so I could paint it. Hurt my wrist doing that.
Bought paint and new nobs for it.
I just got done with the first layer of paint tonight before calling it quits.
And I've learned it's really hard to paint nobs...haha
It's nice having SOMETHING to do/work on.

I'm not working this week, which is kind of depressing. I've found Sheboygan Falls is quite boring.

I just can't wait to move into my first apartment (May 1st!) and spend my first summer away from home. Exciting. Just pray I find some work......

I might be working on campus this summer for the mail room, that is looking promising because my current boss at the bookstore gave me a good recommendation. It would be a morning/afternoon job which would be good because HOPEFULLY I could find some restaurant/ bar to work at at night.

I applied for a loan so I can have money to pay rent and....

I am taking a summer class through MSOE so the loan would help pay for that class as well.

I think I'll be staying busy this summer, praying I get jobs like I want....haha. This is no time to be wanting "with this economy"....

In the meantime, I'll be trying to stay out of trouble and find my real friends.

I know this was a random post, sorry.

OH AND!...
I've been focusing on my weight quite closely lately. To keep the story short, I've lost about 7lbs in the past 2 weeks. That might sounds like a lot but I'm just trying to get to where I'm comfortable. I've gained a bit too much being in college for my comfort, so I figured I would do something while I can before it gets out of control.

Well, it's nighttime for this pumpkin...

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

LIGHT BULB

So this is my second week of classes and I had some personal exciting revelations.

I am taking a class called Work Methods(IE2450). So we talk about Industrial Engineering methods and how to improve things and etc. Anyways, everything kind of clicked in lecture today. It's sooo exciting to be talking about IE terms and understand them. And it also came clearer to me on how to describe what Industrial Engineers do. I ALWAYS get the question: "So what is an Industrial Engineer". Believe it or not, this is a terribly difficult question. Why? Because we are trained to do such a wide variety of things/skills that you can't just narrow it down to one specific thing. For my major, in my course track, I take Mechanical Engineering classes, Electrical Engineering, physics, lots of math, buisness, etc. Anyways, in all of those classes we learn about machinery or circuits and that kind of thing but it occured to me in this work methods class I'm taking that, sure we have to understand the machinery and physics and math behind stuff, but it is so much about people. We had a whole lecture today basically just on motion economy. I never knew there were so many things that go into a kind of simple process. Everything from your finger, hand, arm, feet movements to physical constraints and how you might think you can't walk on water, but really it's not impossible, you just have to find something to help you do it. Anyways, this all excited me because I've had a couple jobs where the processes you do on a daily basis are SO far from efficient, or simply buying a new telephone could help improve the difficulty of a task. Don't get me wrong, it's not all about buying new things to get to be more efficient, those are just the easy examples.
Okay, so does it make me a geek to say it secretly makes me happy to understand what six sigma, lean, and ergonomics mean? Well, then I know I'm spending 40k a year to get to where I want and I'm not wasting my time OR MONEY!

Other news: APARTMENT APARTMENT APARTMENT! My roommates and I have signed the lease and are waiting to be approved (or waiting for our parents to be approved). We haven't heard anything bad yet, so I assume there haven't been any troubles. May 1st we officially get the place. Can I tell you how excited I am!? Okay, not so excited to be racking up some more debt, but it beats living in the dorms most definitely, and cheaper in the long run. I just need to figure out my loan options, because as it stands, I don't have money to pay for rent out of pocket, although the $500 deposit I just made, completely drains my account, which is sad to see the $400 I earned over break leave so quickly. At least I have a job through May though. Keep me in your prayers for finding a job for the summer! Please and thank you.

Plans for this week include:
No work today! Nice to finally have a day to relax.
St.Patty's Day tomorrow
Cookout with my boss and roommate Thursday
No need to explain the weekend.

xoxo

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Beginnings

"Every new beginning is some other beginnings end."

I have a few big new beginnings in my life right now and I thought I would reflect...

Beginning a new semester:
New classes, new professors, new students, new material. This is an easy new beginning. All my classes from last semester are done. I have the grades, there's no turning back, no changing what I did. I am done learning specifically about those subjects (relatively speaking, although some carry on), some professors I will never have again, I might never talk to my lab partners I spent 11 weeks with. But it's all part of the learning process, or else this would all be useless. So, here I am starting a new semester. Figuring out professors and how to be how they want you to be, etc. None of this is bad....again, it's just part of the learning process.

Beginning a new job:
Working in the bookstore is a whole new experience. Unlike working at Shopko or Victorian Village. New bosses, new co-workers, new rules/regulations. Everything I've learned from past jobs I use to make myself a better employee. Sure I make a ton of mistakes because I haven't been taught better, or I don't know how to act around my bosses, but it's all part of learning. And for the most part they understand. I've already met a bunch of people. Not on a name knowing basis, but I've talked to numerous fellow MSOE students, where they learn about me and I a little about them. It's fun to learn things about my surroundings I never knew before. All like hidden secrets I'm slowly uncovering.

Beginning being single:
This is the long awaited topic I dread to be talking about. The biggest part of my life. The most complicated. Relationships may be the hardest thing for me to talk about. I think because I don't understand it. No one does really, but if you're in a good relationship, why do you need to understand, obviously you're doing something right. If you're in a bad relationship, obviously not. So where does that leave me? I don't know, confused. But this is about new beginnings, not necessarily trying to understand things. Okay, so I'm figuring out myself, my friends, my surroundings, my options. It's hard. I hate hard things. One of the most important things my parents taught me when I was little was that it's okay to cry, and let me tell you, I do it a lot. I don't think it's bad if it makes me feel better. Anyways, I'm managing even if it's hard and I hate this "new" feeling. I have a support system of friends that are there for me when things aren't right. I know myself well enough to be able to spend time alone thinking and figuring things out myself. It's a good combination. I don't know what else to say, I'm still figuring things out.

Those are the 3 most important "news" right now. I've been thinking a lot about all of them and that's the best time to write; when I have a lot of things on my mind.
Please keep me in your prayers, that's all I can ask.

:)
The always smiling, Berea

Monday, March 8, 2010

Sex, Drugs, Money

Quarter break came and went TOOOO fast. I spent the first weekend of my break in Michigan. Then 4 days working 8 hrs/day for my dad. Not to complain, I was in good company, doing easier work than homework, but it was draining waking up and working a full 8 hours. I guess I don't do that much with school, or homework is getting easier for me to do and I lose track of time. Anyways, I came back to school for the weekend to hang out with my friends and have a few days to chill before starting again...

I worked in the bookstore today. 8 hours actually. It's called "book rush" right now, because with starting a new semester/quarter (whatever you want to call it), everyone is in the rush to buy books before they need to use them. So my boss lets us work as much as we can handle to get hours and money since we don't get much homework this first week and the bookstore is CRAZY. So in between going to class, I worked a lot today. I'm tired.

I had Differential Equations today and IE348 (Quality assurance). Don't ask me how they went cause it's the first day and all you do is get a syllabus which the professor usually changes throughout the semester anyways...I'm just really tired.

Is it bad to say I felt like it was almost "hot" outside today? You know what the high was?...46. I hate my life that 46 feels "hot" to me. I was outside in jeans, a t-shirt, and a light jacket and I was sweating. To think in Kansas 60 degrees was still considered somewhat "cold". It all confuses me and my body...

My roommate went to Guatemala over break for a mission type trip. Anyways, she brought all 3 of us roommates back sweet bracelets. Pretty excited, they're sweet. THANKS AGAIN KIKI!

Okay so this post has nothing to do with sex, money, or drugs, but I bet it got your attention?

xoxo
Berea

Monday, March 1, 2010

Stupidity

It's stupid when people don't talk about their emotions.

Maybe I do it too much, but I don't like not talking.

Okay, so society says it's wrong to wear your feelings on your sleeve, but I do. Most of the time anyways. I know it hurts some peoples feelings or I might be more straight forward, but I think it's good to hear what people are thinking, good/bad. Okay so maybe that's a little harsh and some things should be kept to yourself, but not the important stuff. I like knowing how people feel because it makes it easier for me to know how to act around them. Someone tired doesn't want to be questioned or drilled with a ton of stories. A happy person doesn't want to be brought down by a stressed or angry person. It's all a circle. Whatever the case, I think it's important knowing your feelings and talking about them.

Illinois pay tolls are stupid.
Other states don't have them and survive just fine. Hundreds of thousands of dollars are going into Illinois and honestly, what's to show? I guess I wouldn't know because I don't live in Illinois, just give them money.

Anyways, I'm at home on my quarter break. Third trimester starts next week, so I'm attempting relaxing...

I guess I hit a road block, or am not in the writing mood right now, so I'll talk more later.

xoxo

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Blizzard

It's blizzarding out right now. Why? Because we live in Wisconsin? Why do I live in Wisconsin?

Okay so besides being color blind because the only thing I see is white...I have some other news..

You need to read my last post before this one if you haven't.

Numero Uno: First day at work this morning. All was well, filled out some paper work and learned a bunch of stuff I'm going to forget. But it was cool because I got to work with my roommate and boss who seems super cool. (She's already invited me and my roommate (Kiki) for pizza at her house after break :) )

Numero Dos: So the owner of the apartment we were looking at says he wants us to start our lease for April. We all agreed that was too soon and we don't want to pay an extra month and a half we won't be living there. So we said no, the earliest we would be willing is May. Besides the fact, if we move in too early, it will mess everything up for future years of getting an apartment and what not. So we are waiting to hear if he will let us wait until May. PLEASE pray no one else applys for the apartment between times! We all agree we can't stop thinking about this apartment and were really excited for it to work out. So keep us in your prayers!

Numero Tres: I'm heading to Michigan this weekend. :) Yay for having a break and getting away for a little bit. Jordan (my boyfriend) and I are going to visit his brother, sister-in-law, nephew, and can't forget Lola and Jack (their dogs). I've heard they've got a few things planned for us, so it should be a fun weekend get away. We are going back home Sunday to hopefully have a peaceful break away from school. Can't wait to see my kitty, squeaky!




There's the princess herself.

Two finals left: Thursday 2-4 and Friday 8-10, I just want to be done.

Note to self: I need new AAA batteries. My calculator died in the middle of my IE exam, sweet huh?

xoxo
Berea

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

11th and Final week

FINALS WEEK!

Started off exciting, with no final on Monday. Yay, slept in, felt great.
But lets rewind 24 hours because Sunday was also exciting....

Myself and my two current roommates are looking for a place to live next year off campus, we've had enough of the dorms...So we toured a place on Sunday that seemed to be what we were looking for. 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom, kitchen with dishwasher!, washer/dryer in unit, office, living room, close to campus. We had made a list of things we wanted a few months back and surprisingly, the place we looked at marked off everything on the list, besides being a penthouse like I wanted. (Haha, just joking!!) Also, the price of this place was very good compared to other places we'd seen for the quality/quantity. We are handing in our applications very soon to hopefully be able to be approved and get the place by May/June. Needless to say, we are all very excited!! Pray everything works out the way it's supposed to.

Today brought some more excitement.
My friend and I who are currently unemployed spent the majority of our afternoon applying for more jobs downtown Milwaukee, mainly restaurant type jobs. We seem to be in the awkward stage....early enough to start freaking out we might be living in Milwaukee over the summer jobless but not quite time that companies are thinking about extra summer help and how many positions they will need filled. Hopefully I made an impression somewhere.
Getting back from job hunting, I get a call from my roommate. She works at the bookstore on campus and had told me last week sometime, they were unexpectedly needing another person to work at the bookstore. I got a little excited, but not too much, because I've been let down numerous times coming close to getting a job, then falling through. Anyways, she said her boss wanted to talk to me ASAP so I, of course, sprinted to the bookstore to be greeted by my roommate happily introducing me to her boss. Two questions later she asked when I could start training. So good news: YES! I have a job at least for the next 11 weeks. :) Details to come later.

So this week is finals week and I have my IE203 (probability and statistics in Industrial Engineering) final tomorrow. Bring it on.

xoxo
busy Berea

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Fat Tuesday

So I scheduled my classes for next semester this morning. As always, super frustrating. Not getting the section of classes you want, things being closed, having to e-mail the right people to figure something out...etc. So I'm on a waiting list for my most important class next semester. What does that mean? I don't know. What if I'm not admitted?...stupid.

So this is my last week before finals. More stress. I have a test today in statics. Just praying I do well. I feel confident.

I did a lot of chores this morning. Take out the trash, recycling, cleaned the microwave that hasn't been cleaned in months. I hate being such a clean person....things that bother me don't bother half the people around me.

OLYMPICS....yes!
I've allllways loved the olympics. Just so interesting. Speed skating, Snowboard cross, figure skating, curling, hockey, skiing... :) My dream is to go to the olympics some day. Not as an athlete, but to watch the sports live, I think that'd be awesome.

Guess I didn't really have much to say today. Just a little update.

oh p.s. happy mardi gras?

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

bl00d

I just gave blood. YAY me.

It is now 11AM let me tell you about my day so far.

8:15 I wake up, shower, take my iron pill.

8:40 I'm putting on my makeup and start throwing up....

9:00 IE203 class, which I go to even after throwing up less than 20 min before.

10:00 I decide to give blood because I'm feeling fine anyways.

So, I had a crazy morning and learned a few things. First of all, I concluded that I threw up because I've been taking iron pills for the past week because I never have high enough iron to give blood. Also the fact that I hadn't eaten anything before or soon after taking the vitamin. I felt fine during class so I decided that wasn't going to stop me from trying to give blood. So after class, I went to donate, crossing my fingers my iron was high enough, which is when I learned another new thing. They changed the test they do now for testing for iron. They now test for hemoglobin instead of hematocrit, which is apparently more accurate. I passed! Needing a 12.5, I got a 12.7.

So now I'm eating a nutter butter, waiting for the cafe to open so I can get lunch and trying not to think of how much my arm hurts from the needle....

I think no running today. Maybe a nice nap after my last class today.

Monday, February 8, 2010

GREEN, the new pink?

GREEN GREEN GREEN









Mom, this is for you, hope the picture helps. :)


Okay, so I've NEVER been big on the whole "green" phaze, I mean, what is one thing I recycle going to help our system blah blah blah...Well, since I've come to college and don't play any sports, I find myself using the gym quite often (5days a week average). As I'm in the gym, during peek hours with all 6 tredmils being used, all 7 elipticals being used, the rowing team on our 8 rowing machines, some other team using the 10+ stationary bikes we have, the wrestlers using the dozen lifting machines, I am amazed at how much physical activity is being done, yet not being harnessed one bit. I always wonder if all the work we are doing could power the TV's we're watching? Or the lights in the gym, etc. So I did some research...

I found a company ReRev that has EXACLTY WHAT I WANT. "A system that converts human energy into a usable form of renewable energy." There are currently 12 gyms using this method across the country. You know what my wish is? You guessed it. How awesome would it be to start this at my own school?!

Okay okay, so maybe I'm dreaming big, but it's not like something that's never been done...


Other news:

I went to buy new running shoes this morning because my old pair I've had about 2+ years and after having shin splints for the past 3 months, my trainer LAUGHED at me cause I've had the same pair of shoes for so long in running terms..So anyways, I learned this morning that I've been buying shoes "too small" for me apparently, but in my opinion, 2 sizes bigger is not comfortable. I also learned my right foot is a 1/2 to a whole size bigger than my left. Weirdddd. Whatever the case, I just want a new pair of running shoes, because after running a measly 2 miles today in my old shoes, my shin splints were hurting as bad as ever.

Unfortunately, or this may be a good thing?, I have a high pain threshold so even though it hurts, I'm not making them any better by continually running with the pain. But since I can deal with the pain, I don't want to switch to eliptical or biking...it's so boring to me.
Talking about high pain threshold, I had a friend who hurt his hand this past week. He iced it and thought it would be fine after a while but decided to go to the doctor after his mom told him to. See anything wrong with the x-ray? Haha, I don't have to be a doctor to see that. ouch.

One last thing. I'm attempting to give blood tomorrow (today)! Pray that I can! If I can't, I'm affraid this will be my last attempt. I'm sick of getting rejected.
Lots of love :)

Thursday, February 4, 2010

A Day Late and a Dollar Short

I have such a busy life, yet I find it hard to know what to talk about in my blog.

As I started to think what I should write (because it's been a while) I caught myself thinking "well I could say I've learned about this, I've learned about that, etc" and realized how much stuff I am learning at this stage in my life.

I'm learning about the economy, about adulthood, about relationships, about people, LOTS about school, job hunting, money, and the list goes on.

What good is learning if you don't have the time to process and think about it all?

That's when I stay STOP.

Trying to learn about all these things, analyze them, and teach myself...I realize it's important to understand WHY I'm learning.

I learn about the economy so I hopefully don't make the mistakes others have. I try to figure out growing up and being an adult so I don't make a fool of myself or get stuck trying to be a teenager all my life. I talk to people about their relationships and try and figure out mine as well so I don't burn bridges or make mistakes. I love learning about people, because everyone is SO different and if you don't understand where other people are coming from, you can't find anything in common or always think you're right. This is associated with learning peoples feelings. Even if I haven't been through the situation you have, if you tell me your feelings, I relate those to feelings I have so I can understand the situation. School is about learning how to learn, teaching yourself how to study is key. No one else can tell you how to learn or how to study because I can't think of one person that learns or studies the way I do. Job hunting is draining. Talking about yourself in applications, resumes, interviews. Telling the company you're better than the other canidates, but in reality it's shunned if you say you are "better" than someone else. But the point is; you go job hunting to find a job, of course, but you learn about yourself, your qualifications, experience, etc.

I've had my most recent "life-learning" lesson this semester.
It has to do with being happy. Knowing what makes yourself happy, and I'm not talking about tangible things, actually the opposite. For me, working out is my biggest stress reliever. I had a bad day, a bad test, an arguement with a friend, whatever, I head to the gym and start running on a tredmil. Blaring my music so all I can think about are the words of the artist. Watching CNN to get myself past the walls of MSOE.
Learn from your mistakes and move on, be happy. Talk to people that make you happy, do activities that make you happy. I feel like everything goes better when you can put a smile on your face. If all else fails, put vaseline on your teeth. ;) JUST KIDDING.

So if you come up a day late or a dollar short, take a deeeeep breath....and smile.

Monday, January 18, 2010

What did you learn today?

The famous question asked in millions of households across the world each and every day. "What did you learn today?"

Mondays are my easy days...relatively speaking (no day is "easy") but compared to the rest of the week. I had 2 classes; linguistics and statics. In linguistics we learned about the sound system of the English language. Like how we know how to say: tough, bough, cough, and dough. Don't they all look the same? But somehow we just know how they are pronounced, and theyre basically all different. Interesting huh? Or how Grade A and Grey Day are pronouced literally the same way, but mean completely different things. Language is SUCH a complex thing, yet we know so much about it, without really knowing we know so much.
In statics, I learned about frames and machines. Do you know what an internally stable system is? And the difference between that and internally unstable system? Do you know what that has to do with support reactions? Or how to find the sum of the moments of a frame? If you can answer these questions, you are probably an engineer or becoming one. It's fun to talk about things that not everyone knows. Because everyone I'm surrounded by understands this jargon, so I don't feel as smart when talking to them. I'm sure all other professionals feel the same way. I wouldn't have any idea if a psychologist used technical language..

I learned today it's hard to study for an open book/note/homework test. I have 5 weeks of material that will possibly show up on a test tomorrow. Tons of equations, deffinitions, concepts. Do I write the important ones in my notes? Do I memorize them all? It shouldn't really be that hard of a test...I hope not.

I listened to a presentation today in IIE that was very informational. Three people from the Blood Center came and talked to us about lean stuff. I found it really interesting. For example, platets have to be used within a certain time period or they become outdated and unusable. This time period amounts to hours. (About 1-2 days I think.) Anyways, the blood center was having to throw away quite a few of these platet products. So their project was to reduce the amount of waste. They said most of their projects come from ideas from employees. Employees saying something is inefficient, or bringing a problem into view. It's important when you are in a higher position to listen to those below you, because they know hands on, what is going on. It was just interesting to see the thought process of how they attacked and solved the problems they had/have. Enough IE talk, I'm sure it doesn't excite you as much as it does me.

Yay for 38 degree days....makes it harder to accept the possible freezing rain in the coming days though...

I think I want to rearrange my room. I need something different.

PRAY FOR WARM WEATHER!

xoxo-berea

Monday, January 4, 2010

Stress

Stress-
1. An accent in music
2. The internal resistance a material offers to being deformed and is measured in terms of the applied load.
3.Phisiological or physcological.

Here at MSOE we deal a lot with stress. It is very important especially in materials classes to understand the force, pressure, and stress certain object exert on other certain objects. It can get quite complicated. Not only do we learn about mechanical stresses but as wikipedia would say, biological stresses as well.

Have you ever had to do something you kind of know how to do or would understand if someone else showed you, but if you did it on your own, it would probably be a disaster? I feel like that discribes my life on a daily basis. I get so much homework that looks familiar and I would probably know how to do better than most people but doesn't come together. I can spend hours teaching myselef a topic only to realize I haven't showed any work of progress. Like tonight. I've spent almost 4 hours on a 17 problem assignment, and I have actually only completed two problems. Not so great, when I have 2 days to finish. At the rate I'm going, it would take me 32 hours to finish the rest of my homework and there are 40 hours until it is due. That means I have 8 free hours I wouldn't have to be doing the homework for this class. But subtract the 5 hours of classes I have the next two day, so I'm down to 3 hours of sleeping, eating, and doing homework for other classes. Are you lost? I hope not because if you were paying attention, this kind of means I'm not doing so well.
Let's just put it this way....I shouldn't be wasting time writing on my blog right now. And secondly, I just need to make it to 4pm on Wednesday. Oh, and lastly, I need to remind myself, it is just one assignment. Now, there's no way I want to do bad on it or let that stop me from still trying really hard. But let's be serious....In five years will this assignment matter? Only if it causes me to fail this class, drop out of school, and leave me with two years worth of crazy debt. Hmmm....If that happened, I'd blame something besides this assignment anyways.
Well now that I have some motivation, I'm going to keep working.
Goodnight world, dream of me.

Insomnia

Here it is, two in the more and I'm not sleeping. This shouldn't come as a surprise to those who know me. My brain and body seem to not understand that they need to go to bed. I feel like no matter what I do, I do all my thinking at night and can't function in the morning, shouldn't this be opposite? So what keeps me up so late:......

I've been thinking a lot about my life lately. This comes about from having a break from school, starting a new year, and growing up faster than I want.

I've learned I don't fit in. I'm the baby of my family so naturally, I'm the dumbest. I have the least experience. I've learned I have high expectations for everyone and everything. I have changed myself so many different times in my life to fit in, so I can be happy. I've given in WAY too much to society, but when I try to be different, I only feel more stressed. I haven't figured myself out, so I hate when people think THEY understand me better than myself. I am always worried about something, usually dealing with school or friends.

I wish I slept normal hours and not feel tired.
I wish I was as smart as everyone that calls me dumb.
I wish I was in shape.
I wish I talked to God more.
I wish I had a job to pay for my education.

I wish for so many things.

I HATE jokes, being made fun of, being called dumb, being underestimated or misunderstood.

Why do I have so much on my mind and why do I worry so much? And why am I scared to do what I want?

I want to have a hobby. I want it to be easy to talk to adults. I want to have the nerve to ask for job applications. Should these things be "NEEDS"?

It would be nice if I had fun exciting things to talk about. Isn't it depressing hearing about someone complain? I bet you're thinking, " I have bigger problems than her". Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of good things about my life. I could tell you what I got for Christmas, but I'm a little more humble than that.

I wish I could take a vacation to figure myself out. I want to know who I am. Or is that what life is about?

I think I've said what I want. Sorry if it's not what you want to hear. I just needed to write.