Sunday, November 15, 2009

If it were easy, everyone would do it.

I've REALLY REALLY been thinking about things lately.
Like how scary it is growing up. WOW.

Don't get me wrong, it's so fun and I'm savoring every moment 'cause I know I'll want it back when I don't have it, but it's a hard time.

In grade school/ middle school, it's all about having friends, having fun, living for the next day, coloring in school, reccess, you know. High school is all about drama, friends, fun, school, drama, thinking you're growing up, being rebelious, you know. And I'm still figuring college out.
You don't have as many friends, because you're not forced to know everyone you go to school with. I've seen some of the same ppl every week for over a year now and I still don't know their names. I don't have 20 different best girl friends to call to go with me to the mall. There is no more being rebelious in college. I mean who would you be rebelling against? Your parents are tens, hundreds, thousands of miles away and the security guard isn't going to yell at you when you walk in at 3a.m. The police have shootings and armed robberies to worry about, they aren't looking for 16 years olds out past curfew. (And you aren't 16 anymore anyways.) Your teachers don't care if you're asleep in class because they still get paid for you to sleep and you're just paying to sleep. Those kids won't last anyways. The nights of never bringing homework home or studying for a test the next day are no more. If you don't study, once again, you're wasting your own money. You watch what you wear because you don't have the money to waste doing laudry every week. You get fat because you can't eat decent food in a dorm room and even if you could, you don't have time. Okay so when you get done with college, you get a job, a family, a dog, a house. And there's not much I can say about it, because I haven't been there yet, but my parents seem pretty happy.

I'm really not always a depressed person. I just write depressing things in my blog a lot because it helps me get them out and talk about them so I can be a happy person.
I think I'm just going through a time of figuring myself out. Figuring out what makes me happy, who makes me happy, how to make my own decisions, learning from my decisions. It's just a time of growth and doing things on your own. Building the adult you will soon be. Getting over being scared of the dark or seeing the consequences of spending money on things you want and need.

Sorry if it ever gets redundant hearing about my problems growing up. They're really not problems, just things most kids my age don't think about or tell anyone and I'm an open person. I think telling your feelings is better in the long run. Because we all know I have a TON of feelings ;), ask my family about that one.

So I have my first final tomorrow, back to studying, just needed a break :)

PS i want to hike a mountain.

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