Saturday, November 21, 2009

My Jaw hurts

Temporomandibular Joint Syndrome.

It's what I have.

I'm sure you've heard about it, but don't really know what it is. In basic terms, my jaw is displaced and causes a clicking sound. Sure, it is more complicated than that, but I do not even fully understand it. I know that I grind my teeth at night. Grinding your teeth is like applying 250 pounds of force per square inch. Since your teeth are very strong bones, you can imagine the amount of force this is. And it isn't good at all for your jaw, muscles, bones, etc. So step 1; I have a retainer I wear at night. It is just a piece of plastic I grind into instead of grinding my teeth together, it greatly reduced the force. Whatever the case my jaw really hurts today.

Anyways, I am actually done with my first semester of sophomore year. I had finals this past week. It feels good to relax :) I miss my college friends though. There isn't anything to do at home anymore...

Well stay posted, since I'm not in school right now I'll have more time to write.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

If it were easy, everyone would do it.

I've REALLY REALLY been thinking about things lately.
Like how scary it is growing up. WOW.

Don't get me wrong, it's so fun and I'm savoring every moment 'cause I know I'll want it back when I don't have it, but it's a hard time.

In grade school/ middle school, it's all about having friends, having fun, living for the next day, coloring in school, reccess, you know. High school is all about drama, friends, fun, school, drama, thinking you're growing up, being rebelious, you know. And I'm still figuring college out.
You don't have as many friends, because you're not forced to know everyone you go to school with. I've seen some of the same ppl every week for over a year now and I still don't know their names. I don't have 20 different best girl friends to call to go with me to the mall. There is no more being rebelious in college. I mean who would you be rebelling against? Your parents are tens, hundreds, thousands of miles away and the security guard isn't going to yell at you when you walk in at 3a.m. The police have shootings and armed robberies to worry about, they aren't looking for 16 years olds out past curfew. (And you aren't 16 anymore anyways.) Your teachers don't care if you're asleep in class because they still get paid for you to sleep and you're just paying to sleep. Those kids won't last anyways. The nights of never bringing homework home or studying for a test the next day are no more. If you don't study, once again, you're wasting your own money. You watch what you wear because you don't have the money to waste doing laudry every week. You get fat because you can't eat decent food in a dorm room and even if you could, you don't have time. Okay so when you get done with college, you get a job, a family, a dog, a house. And there's not much I can say about it, because I haven't been there yet, but my parents seem pretty happy.

I'm really not always a depressed person. I just write depressing things in my blog a lot because it helps me get them out and talk about them so I can be a happy person.
I think I'm just going through a time of figuring myself out. Figuring out what makes me happy, who makes me happy, how to make my own decisions, learning from my decisions. It's just a time of growth and doing things on your own. Building the adult you will soon be. Getting over being scared of the dark or seeing the consequences of spending money on things you want and need.

Sorry if it ever gets redundant hearing about my problems growing up. They're really not problems, just things most kids my age don't think about or tell anyone and I'm an open person. I think telling your feelings is better in the long run. Because we all know I have a TON of feelings ;), ask my family about that one.

So I have my first final tomorrow, back to studying, just needed a break :)

PS i want to hike a mountain.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

It is a small world, BUT....

You wouldn't believe the number of times I've met someone who has connections to other people I've met. Or my family. I guess it makes it a lot easier to happen to me and my family because we have lived so many places, we have connections like no other. I can't remember how many times one of us has met someone that was from our hometown or went to school at the same place or knows one of our close high school friends or something or another. I'm waiting to meet someone from Kansas that knows where Sabetha is. That might just make my month. But anyways, even though we often refer to it as being a "small world" the truth is, its NOT!

So I've been thinking quite intensly lately where I want to live. This might be the hardest decision of my life, because I'd be happy living anywhere. Relatively speaking. I ask myself all the time if I'm a city girl or country girl, and I don't think I'm either, but I'm both. I love living in the city, keeping up on the latest fashions, seeing a skyline, always being around people, always having something to do. I love living in the country. I LOVE seeing the stars at night in a black sky, I love the security and safeness, not caring about fashion, and making things to do instead of paying for them. So where does this leave me? Would I be the type to live in a suburb? Maybe. But then I don't get the country and I don't get the city.

Next dilema, what location would I choose? Honestly, this leaves me the most confused. New York is too busy, Boston is beautiful, Flordia is too sticky, Texas is a little too far south, there's not much in Wyoming or South Dakota, California is high class, Wisconsin is cold, Kansas is flat. I love traveling. You learn so much about everything.

I think I'm just a person that is bad at making decisions. I say this because I find the best in everything. The places I've lived, the jobs I've had, the people I've met. Don't get me wrong, I complain more than I should and I deffinately don't like things, but some things you have to deal with. And why be an unhappy person when you could just make the best and be happy. Laughing adds time on your life, I'm fully convinced.

So until I graduate, I might ask myself every day where I belong or where God wants me, but I'll end up where I need to be and where I'm suppsoed to be and I'll make the best of it.

Keep me in your prayers, it helps :)

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Week 10 :-O

Last week before finals...CRAZY. Time sure flys when you're I don't know what I'd do if God hadn't rested on the 7th day. Would we have a 6 day week? No break? Well, we may never know, but I don't know how I'd get through this school without a rest or time to get some quality work done. Anyways, I'll be home 12 days to take a nice rest and see family. Much needed.

On to other news....
I ran a 5k this morning. I know, not a big deal, anyone can go run a 5k, right? (Well, not really) But it's not like I ran a marathon...But I'm proud of myself. I think that counts the most. I think the last time I ran a race was my freshman year in high school when I was on the cross-country team. I forgot how fun it was. I love the people that stand on the side and cheer you on. Random people that look you in the eye as you're running and just cheer for you. Or the crazy coaches that are yelling at someone specific to keep their eyes up, or shoulders back, or to push on. It's a fun rush. I'm not in great shape, running makes me tired, etc, BUT it's an awesome time to think while doing something productive and keep in shape. Well, I'm done with my ranting about running. Because I'm quite an amatuer, compared to oh say my brother....who considers a 5k to be a sprint...

Anyhew, this week should be pretty easy. Just finishing up projects I've been working on in a few classes. I say that like it's easy...but compared to my other work this semester.....PIE.

Love ya

Friday, November 6, 2009

Oh sweet....winter?

Im running a 5k this weekend! To be specific, the Jingle Bell Run/Walk at the zoo this Sunday for arthritis. I'm pretty excited because I've been running since school started so about 9 weeks. That's the highlight of my weekend.

As for other news, our semester ends next week basically. Monday is the start of our final week before finals. It feels like just last week I was making money, working outside....

Other than that I'm pretty excited to go home for thanksgiving..then christmas. Although it doesn't feel the same anymore, I'm just excited to take a break. Going home to my room has gotten kind of weird. I don't have anything there anymore. My life exists in just a little dorm room. Everything at home is just memories of high school. It's weird thinking I'll never really live at home again. Maybe for a summer, or on breaks, but if I decide to live in Milwaukee this year, I might never be going back. It's hard to realize because I remember when it hit me that I would never be living with my brother again. Our time growing up was so short and I remember thinking it couldn't take any longer for me to grow up! HA!

Well I have one last class for the week in 20 min so I'm gonna get going. Haven't chatted in a while, thought it was time.