Tuesday, October 13, 2009

What I have and haven't learned in COLLEGE

I've learned that x doesn't JUST mark the spot. That when I hear y=, I picture my graphing calculator. I've almost learned greek because for some reason we use their letters allllll the time. I have it mastered how long it takes me from leaving my room to arriving at the 3rd floor in the library. I've learned so many peoples faces, yet barely any names. I've learned I have a fear of talking to professors. And although I may not be as smart as the rest of my classmates, I have the determination that none of them do.

I haven't passed all my classes and I certainly haven't passed every test, but I've learned that isn't the most important thing about going to college. I don't think tests can truely show your knowledge. Why? I'm a horrible test taker. But I get great grades on homework and most quizes. But that's a whole different story.

So besides what I learn in class, I've already learned many important life leasons. (Mom and dad, please don't be too flattered, the following is the truth and the world needs to know.) I've learned a lot about why my parents did what they did while I was growing up. (Even if they still don't know what they did.) I'm not a crazy partier/druggie like many of my friends and classmates, because I wasn't caged in while I was growing up, but I was also not allowed to do whatever I wanted. I was never pushed to be pretty, wear the nicest clothes, whatever. I wasn't pushed to play sports, etc. I made my own decisions, although my parents helped me see the future or what was morally/ethically right, of course. I've learned how important weekends are. I work so hard during the week that a couple days is really nice to be able to just "chill". I've learned A TON about friends. WOW. I feel like my high school relationships meant nothing for the amount of drama they caused me. I don't talk to anyone anymore really. I feel like I try but when I don't get the same in return, I just don't mean enough to them. I learned I hate when people tell me something and DON'T DO IT. I would rather be surprised than dissapointed. I've learned I HATE WINTER. Sorry, I know this offends many of my friends.

I have an unexpected problem though. Growing up, I was always portrayed as outgoing, friendly, open, talkative, etc, but I don't think that's completely true. With my close friends I certainly am all those things, but I think I've changed as I've grown up. I have a really hard time talking to new people. Specifically adults, bosses, generally people older than me. It's hard for me to talk to professors. I have no idea why. I want to, but I feel like my questions are stupid or that I'm a lost cause or that I'll get frustrated and not get my questions answered, I'm not sure. I'm scared of asking for job applications. I've kind of gotten over it because I really need/want a job right now, but getting up the nerve scares me. These are all weird things I've learned about myself because I LOVE attention. I loved dancing for the fact of being in front of TONS of people that were watching me. I loved acting because people were watching, ME. I love wearing new styles of clothes because people look at me. But it scares me to talk to older people. It's a work in progress.

Whew, that was an intense topic.....

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