Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Inside Out

The recent movie, Inside Out, explained emotions very well, in my opinion. I think I need to watch it 2 or 3 more times to catch everything. It is so far beyond my understanding of how emotions work, how they differ between people, how to control them, and how to properly convey them as to be unbelievable. Regardless, I recommend you watch the movie unless you are a stoic person with zero emotions.

Drastically switching topics, I want to post my yearly rant on different political hot topics, namely; nationwide gay marriage passage, confederate flags, and education. I say "yearly rant" because I usually hate getting involved with politics because I am not entirely educated on these subjects and can only provide my little slice of the pie. Besides; I am terrified of getting slammed by people that have opposite opinions as me when I really only mean to convey how I feel and am not trying to change the world into having the same opinions. Just to re-iterate, this is my blog, that I share with the world, to hear my opinions and discussions about the thoughts in my head and to give you a better glance at who I am. I encourage you to have your own opinions, but please be courteous of mine as well. Let's get to it...

1- Gay marriage. To keep this short I will only say a few things. First, I don't judge anyone on their life choices. The sins I have committed (and continue to commit) are equivalent to everyone else on this planet and as a Christian, I know I am no "better" than anyone else and choose to repent those sins because of reasons too detailed to discuss here and now. That being said, I am Christian and thus my beliefs do not promote the unity of same sex individuals. My life choice is believing in the bible and God's Word and keeping his teachings as my core morals. I could write a lot more, but I recently read an article that captures the essence of my beliefs on gay marriage and aligns close enough to share with you. To read in full, click here.

2- Confederate flags. In case I or anyone else looks back on this post, there was a recent shooting in South Carolina by a 21 year old (accused white supremacy advocate) at a predominately African American church. (Google: Charleston Church Shooting). Anyways, as a spin-off, since the 21yr old had a lot of confederate memorabilia, it has become a nationwide issue of banning confederate flags from nearly every aspect of society. Most stores have stopped selling them including Amazon who took down all of their confederate items. Enough back story...I can't say whether I agree with all of the societal repercussions happening because of this incident, but I can certainly attest to the southern cultural norm of confederacy pride, for lack of better words. I can't count the number of times I was called a "Yankee" while spending time in Memphis, TN last year. I found it extremely offensive considering half of my family did not arrive in America until AFTER the civil war and even though the "Yankees" won the war, I certainly DO NOT/HAVE NOT ever flaunted it. Since the war was 150 years ago, I really question why people want to represent a time period our nation has fought so hard to change and give us ALL the freedom we have today. The confederacy lost, and for good reasons we can all be proud of. If anything, those flags should be a reminder of what we already fought and conquered. I understand and can appreciate family history if your roots are from the South, but you also need to support the greater good of the future and decide what you want to represent for your children/grandchildren.

3- Education. I think I'll save this for my next post. Those two sections took the steam out of me...


Monday, June 8, 2015

Confessions

In the past week, I've been asked 4 times (that I can specifically count) if I have lost weight. There is no easy way to talk about this and quite frankly, it is an awkward conversion to have with anyone in person, but that is why I blog. The easy answer is yes, but I have more to explain and talk about than a simple "yes".

I grew up wondering what my body genetics would turn out to be considering my mom has always been able to eat anything she wants and not gain weight and my dad could look at food and gain weight. By the end of high school, it seemed like I was taking my moms metabolism weighing less than 115lbs and standing maybe 5'4" tall.

I went to college and somewhere mid-way through, I remember stepping on the scale and seeing 148 pounds. Needless to say, I freaked out. Nine months later, I saw my brother cry for the first time when he caught me in the midst of my coping mechanism, what I can now admit was an [un-diagnosed] eating disorder. Seeing my brother have that reaction to something I was doing was enough to find a means to an end. Apart from my family, I have really only talked to 3 close friends about that period and maybe some day I will elaborate, but eating disorders are never really cured, so it is still a healing process. All I know is that I was not comfortable with my weight, wanted to eat anything I wanted and not gain weight, but decided there had to be a healthier way.

I slowly changed my eating habits and carved out the most unhealthy habits I had like; eating fast food daily, drinking soda, snacking before bed, and binging on sweets. Five years later and 28 pounds lighter, I feel like I am finally at a good place physically. So, yes, I have lost weight and I hope that losing 6 pounds a year is healthily acceptable. The image I see in the mirror may always be distorted, but the scale doesn't lie. I have spent countless hours thinking about food and weight, like most women, and don't want to fall into the trap of "freaking out" again.

Honestly, I'm not sure what a healthy weight means for a 5'5" tall woman, but to me, it means comfort-ability. Until recently, I was not happy or comfortable, so that is my answer.

I have mixed feelings when I am asked if I have lost weight. Part of me is ecstatic that it is noticeable and part of me wants to cry when I am reminded every time what I have gone through to make it here. Magazines make me seem fat yet getting the comment " you're skin and bones!" makes me feel unhealthily skinny. I get that everyone's perception is different and mine is likely also skewed, but again, I am finally comfortable and got here in a healthy way.

Thanks for your support and listening.

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

10 YEARS in Wisconsin!

Hello internet!

It has come to my attention that I have not blogged about a very important event in my life. I have lived in Wisconsin for 10 years!!! If I am still here when I am 28 in January of 2019, I will have lived here half of my life, which I do not think I have ever been able to say before. However, that is 4 years away and I hope I live in a warmer climate by then, but I never would have thought I would have been here this long already.

The grass is always greener on the other side, so it will be very interesting to see my life in 10 more years!

That was my moment of "celebrating", now life goes on..

Monday, May 18, 2015

A-Squad

This post is dedicated to my very handsome, single, male friend, Francisco, aka Cisco. He is an eligible bachelor who recently ended his time in the marines, sniper platoon, after about 6 years. Although currently living in Milwaukee, he has seen the world and can't wait to share his experiences with a lovely lady. Cisco-thank you for your service and best wishes to finding a woman that can compare to you. I also want to say thank you to my boyfriend, James, who will be helping to upgrade my blog in the near future and provide professional web designers from his company to do so. Thirdly, my brother, Isaiah, I would not be writing the following post if it was not for you. You are my biggest motivator and inspiration.

I wanted to talk about running today...I am an amateur and frankly beginner runner, but after 4 successful, dedicated weeks running, I have some insightful reflections that you won't get from avid/professional runners.

1- I don't find running the hardest part. Meaning; my legs aren't killing and I have not gotten shin splints yet, which has always been an early running deterrent for me. I find breathing the hardest part. I also find it very easy to tell myself it is so hard that I should just walk and then when I have done my run and recover within 15 minutes, I realize I probably did not have to stop.

2- Allergies. Sometimes after I run (which I've only been running outside) I die of sneezing and watery eyes and then it stops within an hour. It is not every time and it is similar to other allergies I have, but I found that interesting. Especially because it does not start until after I am done running and back inside.

3- Whenever I see another runner, I want to cheer and say; "Keep going! You're doing great!". Especially people struggling more than me. Good for them. HOWEVER, I get some interesting reactions from people. Some men stop and stare then turn to watch me run away (which I don't appreciate). I have gotten a few high fives, which is awesome. I don't like running where there are lots of people, but it has its benefits at times also. Running at the lake is great for people watching and I must say, it keeps me from thinking about stopping.

4- Along with tracking my runs on Runkeeper, I've been keeping a "running journal". Most importantly to track what I eat/drink prior to the days run, how I feel during that run, and what the weather is like. I am interested in correlations, to find out what works for me and what doesn't with actual data and not assuming.

5- That feeling you get when you bend over to do something and the stretch you feel in your legs feels so good you stay there for a while. Also when walking/running up stairs and you feel like some 10lb weights you've had for the past 20 years have been removed because it is so much easier.

It is exciting to see my progression. From barely being able to finish a mile a month ago to shaving 6 minutes off of my 4 mile run. I am far from good, but each run helps in some way. I am about a month out from my 5K and I can't wait!

Congrats to everyone who ran the Green Bay Half & Marathon this weekend! You rock!