Help

The best piece of advice I received during my undergrad studies was "don't be afraid to ask for help". I apparently have a problem with that. It is not a new problem since I am reminded regularly by my family that as a child I would often protest, "I can do it myself". I blame my less-than-perfect book smarts partially/mostly on my inability to ask for help.

Somewhere along the line it was engraved in my head that asking for help wasn't great. For me there is a very fine, almost invisible, line between asking for help and cheating. I find defeat in having to ask for help for some reason. As absurd as I know that must sound to you, it's another obstacle I face in life.

My professional career has proved this philosophy somewhat wrong and somewhat right. Let me explain.

I can ask for help on things I know I can't solve reasonably on my own. On the other hand, I'd rather struggle a little to solve something I know I can so that next time I can do it [better] on my own instead of having to ask for help every time.

At work when I am on the production floor, any physical labor I do is stopped by someone asking if I need help. #1 I am greatly appreciative that people are willing to help me. #2 Sometimes I want to do it myself. Of course a 130lb woman is going to have problems moving a 400lb pallet of soft starters around, but I'd still like to try. Of course a tiny high school girl is going to struggle to productively swing a 20lb sledgehammer through a kitchen counter, but it is still a story my family likes to tell, and I am proud.  I guess this is all part of my determination as well, but I just hate being thought of as not capable.

Help is good and the sooner I realize that and use it beneficially, I think the more successful I could be. The dictionary gives many good definitions of help, all positive.

My brother once told me that most people enjoy providing help. Being able to help someone shows their need for you and it is a good feeling being needed.

So, I am determined to ask for help more often when necessary.

"My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth." Psalm 121:2

Easy

It has confused me my whole life why things are not just easy. How come every day at lunch, the line at Panera is so long that it gets divided at the coffee stand and people do not know whether to cram in the door or barge through everyone to snake the line in front of the coffee? Half the time the line splits into 2 lines and people argue about who is next in line. How come Wal-Mart has 40 some odd registers but inevitably only 5 people working at a time? How come splitting a bill with 10 people is SO hard? And by the way, why can’t I just go on my phone, open to the restaurant I am at and easily pay by bill on my phone in about 10 seconds? Why did I not get a notice that my street parking permit was going to expire before it did and I got a ticket? How come I can’t store my tanning lotion and eye protection at the tanning place instead of it freezing in my car?

I mean seriously, the list is ENDLESS. Well, this is not only my life, it is my job. I am finally starting to understand the world and why things are not always done “easy”.

There always seems to be a tradeoff of doing something easier. Kind of like the concept, “you pay for what you get”.  In my job, I want people to be the happiest doing their job. Taking steps toward happiness most likely means having their specific process/job/task easy to complete. Unfortunately, it is hard for anyone to see the large picture without all the information available. So making one person’s job easier might double or triple the work for someone else unknowingly. I often find myself on a fence with two people pulling me each direction. Either that, or just one person and it is up to me to make decisions to prevent future calamity.

The problem with happiness is that different things make different people happy. Therefore, it is hard to please everyone. Some things are worth fighting for and others are worth compromising.

I still think many things in this world could be done easier, but there is no sense complaining about the things you are not going to make an effort to change. 

So instead of complaining about everything that could be done easier, take a moment to appreciate the things that are already easy.

It Won't Happen To Me

Well, it could.

I have lots of thoughts and opinions on random acts of violence.

I believe anything could happen to anyone at any time.
It's not worth being overly scared about because RANDOM acts are hard to predict and prevent.
I think everything happens for a reason and death is part of life we cannot understand.

My first experience with a random act of violence on a large scale was the Oklahoma City bombing. I was four years old at the time so my memory is vague, however, I do know that I lived in Buffalo, Oklahoma at the time. My home was a mere 2 hour drive from the chaos. I have a computer key from the destruction's aftermath. It was close enough to make you think and even possibly know people directly affect.

As I've said before, I was in the World Trade Center July of 2001. I think that is beyond ridiculously crazy. When I am 60, 70, 80 years old, not many other people will be able to recall the memories I had about the event in whole.

Then of course, there has been local events such as the salon murder just minutes down the street from my work, and the multiple people ending up in the river after drinking likely within hundreds of feet of me, and church massacres, etc.

It is always shocking, but it's not like you could expect the same event to happen at the same place every time. Even natural disasters are somewhat predictable, at least I can say for certain a pacific hurricane won't be coming ashore from Lake Michigan any time soon.

I can't begin to understand the emotions from the people driving these events. After the fact, our government pieces together "signs" that give some insight to the behavior, but even so are often a stretch of the imagination. People are being watched every day for clues of erroneous behavior but even so, some slip through. What if it was possible to catch every criminal before they committed a crime? You can guarantee there would be a large breakout of protests against convicting potentially innocent people! I believe it has a lot to do with how you are taught to behave by people you trust or believe. I guess it's like a big chain in my mind. Then there is the obvious that people can lie or say things they don't completely mean, so do you punish based on verbal conversation? Well that interferes with freedom of speech. It is all very complicated. There is a very fine line with prevention and I think the US does a fairly good job with it, however, there is ALWAYS room for continuous improvement, or else I'd be out of a job if I didn't believe that.

I think there is help to be had. I wish "talking" to someone wasn't as frowned upon as it seems to be. I get that going to a therapist is hard and sometimes not enjoyable, but I think it is really positive. At least talking to someone with a non-bias perspective.

My opinions likely won't change the world, I just hope that I can go about living my life without upsetting someone so bad they feel like need to hurt me or those I love. That is certainly not my intention.

Thanksgiving in April

I find holidays kind of funny because they are one day a year allocated to a certain occasion. In my opinion, every day should be a celebration and remembrance of all important things. Today you get to hear about mine. 

Consider this Berea Janzen's 2013 Q1 (first quarter) report or my April Christmas letter?

I started off my year spending very little of my free time in the city I live, making trips to; Door County, Appleton, and Madison for various reasons. My ex-boyfriend and I ended our relationship towards the end of 2012 so I did what I could to keep my mind and body busy. You could have probably guessed my life was not normal from the ZERO posts I had in February. Work became more hectic after the first of the year doing a lot to "start fresh" and stay on our feet after a huge change that came with buying another company. I bought a new car in February after my old cars' drive shaft broke in the middle of an intersection. I now get to ooo and awww at my 2011 Metallic Slate Nissan Altima S Coupe that I drive way too proudly. March was the first month I made payments to all my bills; from my newly acquired car, student loans, insurance, 401K, phone, apartment rent, utilities, and a few others I am surely missing. I also traveled to Iowa to visit my brother, a small town "up north" to a cabin getaway with some friends, and Easter with my family in Sheboygan and the Dells. By early March I was very much ready for summer (who am I kidding, I'm always ready for summer) however, we have yet to even see a resemblance of warm weather. April started off interesting as I attended a Prom-themed 30th birthday for a friend in Appleton. The cold weather here in Wisconsin had me itching for the sun to see my skin, so I planned a trip to Arizona with my friend to visit a colleague. I thoroughly enjoyed the 80 degree weather and was not fond of returning to a state full of snow and gloomy weather. Fortunately, I love my job so leaving Wisconsin for good is not an option right now. Here it is, the last weekend of April and my life is starting to resemble normalcy. So far I've only spent about 40% of my weekends this year in Milwaukee which is somewhat unfortunate since I do enjoy the city. I find that okay and justifiable since this August will mark 5 years of me living in Milwaukee. I do not have any big plans for this summer yet, which I had better start working on. I am currently reading "The Know-It All" in an attempt to keep my New Years Resolution to read more. I read more in January than since middle school, so I think I already accomplished that goal. I have two paintings that I want to finish so hopefully staring at the unfinished canvas' every night will eventually give me motivation to work on them. In other news, I am editing my brothers new book he wrote. It is far from publishable yet, however, I am working to make it a much easier read and I can already say it is going to be FANTASTIC when finished. I will also mention I have a new beau I may tell you more about at some point. :)

So I am pretty thankful #1 that I can travel. Being able to drive an hour or two or three for a weekend of fun adventures is 200% worth it. I love not being confined to limitations. I realize these weekend trips are hardly exotic but it is like a breath of fresh air. #2 I am beyond thankful for my job. Once you all have the opportunity to read my brothers new book, it will sink in how blessed I am! I am 3rd thankful for my friends who stick with me through every single one of my tens of thousands of emotions. And I credit my parents, as always, for raising me to know that all of these things are blessings from God. I have yet to figure out what makes ME deserving of any of them. 

"Your power is great, and your glory is seen everywhere in heaven and on earth. You rule with strength and power. You make people rich and powerful and famous. We thank and praise you."

1 Chronicles 29: 11-13

A Thousand Words

Since I am at an early stage in my career, I feel this is a good time to discuss something I have swept under the rug. Better now than before I forget.

As a Junior in high school, my future was anything but certain and I seemed to change my mind about a career path daily. After I nixed being an Interior Designer, my next focus was Photography. Family, friends, and teachers lauded my artistic abilities since I was young, so it was always assumed that I would pursue some type of degree in the liberal arts. High school certainly helped structure this as I took many art classes and excelled in them above my other classes. The only advanced class I took in high school was Advance Photography where I spent countless hours in the dark room and time analyzing life to snap good pictures. Fast forward 5 years where most people are using Instagram which has a handful of filters that you can click and within seconds have a picture that looks a few steps under professional. Five years and it is amazing how far we have come (not to mention I turned a completely different corner and God opened a door for me into Engineering?!?!?!?) :-D

Film is nearly non-existent. Getting film developed is almost like finding a computer with a floppy disc drive these days. Can you imagine the "old days" when pictures (yes pictures, not portraits) took hours to create (I mean like pinhole cameras)? I even recently got into a discussion about disposable cameras. When was the last time you tried to buy one of those? Getting filmed developed was almost like Christmas because you never remembered what you had taken photos of. I often remember getting filmed developed with multiple of the same picture in different variations.

So, I've been thinking recently about the value of pictures. I have over 2,000 photos on my iPhone alone and probably another 2,000+ on my computers' hard drive. My first thought is how fun my kids will have with some of that information some day. What use will all those pictures go to? They are good for memories, but seriously, how many 2D memories are worth holding on to? Another thought is how scary it is to think of the possible career I could be living. Good photographers are hard to come by. It truly is an art but I get stopped at the point where anyone can snap a picture. I guess anyone (this is a fallacy-clearly not EVERYONE) can solve a simple math equation too. Anyways, I now see that those classes were almost like history lessons. I likely won't use that knowledge for a real world experience or gain, but I know the historical development of photography and made some unique pieces of art along the way, that I will likely be the only appreciative one of.

So where does this land us? What purpose do pictures serve? I will say it is way easier to text a picture of something to someone than to try and explain it most of the time. Often times in meetings, ideas will be written on a white board and at the end of the meeting one person takes a picture and forwards it to everyone as an add-on to the meeting minutes, rather than copying everything by hand. I, however, have been referring to recreational/artistic pictures for the majority of this post.

I also find it extremely amazing that some cultures, such as the Amish, don't allow pictures, for various reasons. Maybe our photography will be of some use to them some day? Maybe I will compile all my pictures and make a book of it? (Joke--It's called a photo album or scrapbook). There has to be some unique market for digital pictures because they are serving no purpose tucked away on my hard drive which is sitting unplugged from anything at the moment. Maybe I'll work on that. Until then, I will keep collecting 2D memories for hopefully someones benefit.

I’m Just Trying to Get My Spot like a Polka Dot

Self-Awareness as defined by Merriam-Webster is; “[cognizance] of one's own personality or individuality”.

I like to include definitions on blog posts to reinforce the subject being spoken about so that everyone understands exactly what I mean. I also like to because the amount of definitions for a single word can often be infinite or people just make up their own conceived meanings. I hope by this point, you have caught on that this post is dedicated to self-awareness.

The wheels in my brain started turning today when a close friend of mine said; “[Berea], you are SO self-aware it's crazy”. I smirked as I recounted the numerous times throughout my life in which my parents had told me virtually the same thing. My dad is a big advocate for self-awareness given his career dealing with (and counseling) hundreds of thousands of unique people, which is why he has always pushed me a step deeper into exploring my feelings. For example, being angry at someone over a verbal disagreement is just not satisfactory in being self-aware. The question is really, WHY? (Or as a good Lutheran would say; “what does this mean?”) Maybe it was a growing issue that I was angry with that person for a comment they said months ago and had never addressed it. It takes a lot of thinking to understand more than the top layer of emotional issues. “Emotional” including; cheerful, upset, depressed, volatile, uneasy, regretful, and the list goes on (hundreds in fact). So, I want to share with you my experiences so that hopefully you will learn something and maybe teach me something.

I realize not all people are like me, in this respect, so I get asked what has made me self-aware. I have come up with a couple answers that I think are the best. First of all, I will never forget my dad coming home from a conference in Colorado and telling my mom, my older brother, and I that he had bought us presents. (Side note here; from what I remember, my family was fairly poor growing up, even though my parents tried to conceal it, I still knew getting presents in the middle of the year was out of character.) My life changed forever when he handed me a hard cover book that said “Journal” on the front. I was six years old when my family started the weekly tradition of writing in our Journals every Sunday after church. I have now been writing on a regular basis for over SIXTEEN years. I’d say I have come a long way with my writing and personal development in 16 years and to this I credit the majority of my self-awareness. When you reflect on life events, however major or minor they may be, you inevitably think about what was said and what you would have done differently in hindsight. Writing those events, feelings, and outcomes down on paper reinforces the ideas, at least for me. You begin to think deeper every time you re-read what was written and trust me, you see it from different aspects nearly every time.

Okay, so writing has helped me grow, but the other reason I think I am “SO” self-aware is my exposure to different cultures growing up. It is no secret that my family moved a lot in my younger years and it certainly helped me understand myself better. I adjusted my personality to fit in with the people I wanted to be friends with and as bad as that might sound, I really think it helped define who I am. I was able to compare my feelings and morals to those around me as well as see different traits I wanted to possess.

Moving on, I want to try and share how to become more self-aware. It is essentially second nature to me now, but I am continually growing to say the least. Being self-aware means getting to know yourself better than you want to. You have to admit your faults. HAVE TO. No one is perfect, regardless of how much people can hide it, so even if you want to continue to hide your imperfections, at least admit to yourself you are not perfect and why. So, being self-aware is a huge cycle. The following list I created helps structure this cycle.

1-An emotional even occurs

2-You have feelings/emotions after the event

3-Reflect on what you would change and how you WANT to feel

4-Imagine possible future situations (or if it were to happen again)

5-Use reflections in next emotional event

*-Strive for the feeling(s) you WANT

I’ll walk you through an example just to drive home my point.

1-Emotional event: November 2011 my grandmother died.

2-Feelings/emotions: I had regret of not spending enough time with my grandma, not showing her enough love, and not gaining enough wisdom from her. I was sad there was nothing I could do anymore.

3-Reflect: I wanted to feel at peace.

4-Imagine future: What happens when the next close person in my life passes away? I don’t want to have so much regret.

5-Use reflections: I haven’t had someone else close to me die since her but I can use those reflections NOW. It is a reminder to keep important relationships strong when you can. I can already tell you I feel guilty I haven’t been working as hard as I should with my remaining grandparents, but at least having these thoughts is facing realization.

*-Strive for the feelings you WANT: This is key. I should star this a million times. You need to answer this for yourself. Happiness is my key and may be yours also. I say that weekly and sometimes daily. Ideally, I want to be in situations that will ALWAYS make me happy. When I have decisions to make, the prevailing decision is 9/10 what will make ME happy. I also want to point out that making other people happy makes me happy, for the record, so I don’t always just discount others’ feelings to better myself.

The next topic of being self-aware I want to address is the negatives. Although deeply knowing yourself is fantastic, it can be dangerous. I realize I have TONS of problems and I mean a PROFUSION of problems. I like to say I am an emotional hypochondriac, haha. Granted, I am not a continuous basket-case, blabbering my problems to every poor soul I meet, but I am not shy to expressing feelings when I feel the need. It does get exhausting when I make realizations about my character and I always feel depressed because I know my faults all too well. The main thing that helps me get through these feelings is looking at the big picture. For example, I know I get angry VERY easy, therefore, I’d venture to say this is a bad trait of mine. However, I don’t get very angry about everything that makes me upset so I know I’m not just an angry person all the time, but I know there are areas to improve. In being self-aware, you need to address and continuously work on negative feelings. That’s what helps you grow.

I’m going to give you another example because I don’t want to be sounding vague. This is very personal, so please don’t judge or criticize me because I am certainly working on it! So, I often plan events for my friends and I, such as gatherings or get-togethers because I like being with my friends. Unfortunately, not everyone has my schedule, so there are a million and one excuses why people can’t attend various things I plan. Me, being a spoiled, baby-of-the-family, think that everyone should drop whatever else they have planned to hang out with me. Obviously, I am not that conceited, but it would be nice to have that, right? Anyways, I have a tendency of getting mad at people for not doing what I want. BUT I KNOW THAT I DO THIS (self-realization) and I know that me getting angry at someone is really MY problem, not theirs. So I have been working on differentiating between excuses and understanding I am not at the top of everyone’s list. If they are truly making excuses not to participate, I want to find out if it is because of me or not. If it is beef they have with me, I might as well not even try again because they likely aren’t as true of a friend as I thought. So overall, I learned I have this issue, I admitted that I have it, and I am working to stop it. Fair enough?

I am going to wrap this up now as I do not blame you if you are sick of reading. Life is an interesting journey. The best advice I can give as a 22 year old is to stay happy and FROG (Christian acronym). “You can’t solve an Algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.” –Baz Luhrmann

“Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.”

Romans 12:3

Room Full of Doors

So this is what it's like to be an adult? This being; I have no clue. I'm certainly not a kid, but adults laugh at how young and inexperienced I am. The government already owns my first and second born based on my schooling and other payments. Joke. I know further education is a must but it is like being a high school senior all over again and deciding what and where and trying to predict the rest of my future career as an inexperienced new-graduate. (Granted I am a little smarter now.) Being ever so depressed about the climate of the place I live yet being fairly comfortable.

Work certainly hasn't become boring yet. We acquired a company last year and the first major switch overs started January 1st. I've learned more about integration's than I ever thought I'd need to know. I've actually learned so much I don't even want to go into detail because I would not be able to stop. I want to know more and more and more and more. I never want to get bored because there is so much to learn and experience, it would just be a waste not to DO.

I have tons of time to keep things clean around the house and do the things I want to. Need to do is a different story.

I've been in the gym the past couple months a handful of days a week. I'm feeling great. Sore often, but if I wasn't, it would likely show no results. It's a great stress reliever and I definitely feel better about myself.

I've learned I am not a hopeless romantic, but I love to be spoiled way more than I should (thanks mom and dad). I'd rather buy a pair of shoes than eat for a couple days. I hate spending time on my computer outside of work. I need to buy a filing cabinet for all my bills. And I love nothing more than cuddling with my cat each and every night.

I am now going to go to bed and pray I wake up with 12 inches of snow MELTED. Hopefully I don't dream of that because I will be ever so disappointed if and when I wake up and it's not true.